Online Gaming is Depressing

For the past few weeks I’ve been getting really into online gaming and by “online gaming” I mean Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like I’m new to this nerdy scene, I’ve been playing games online for years. However, things seem to be getting worse. It seems like every time I join an online game I either get super depressed or incredibly excited and it’s not just because I have manic-depressive tendencies.

Within the first five seconds of joining a game I can usually tell if I want to kill everyone I’m playing against for real. Sometimes people are just screaming at the top of their lungs for absolutely no reason. Other times there’s a 12-year-old boy who sounds like a 6-year-old girl saying the n-word over and over again. Don’t get me wrong, stuff like this is hilarious, it’s just that their shrill voices hurt my ear drums a little bit.

The most maddening/hilarious annoyance I’ve ever faced in a game was when a little 8-year-old black kid kept calling people things like “punk ass bitches” and “stupid whores”. I don’t think this charming little digital soldier took a breath the entire match, he just never stopped talking. It was hilarious… Until he killed me a few times. Then I got depressed, threw my controller across the room and decided to become racist once and for all. It seemed reasonable at the time.

Still, with all these idiots and fuel for people hatred that could sadden a man, it’s still not as depressing as this next little fact. For some reason, when I’m all mic’d up and in the perfect place to perfect my trash talking skills, I remain silent. I just can’t help but be super shy while online gaming. I don’t know why this is and it’s the thing I hate most about my life. I think it’s because I’m intimidated by all the n-bombs, f-bombs and all the other one-letter-dash-bombs being thrown around like machine gun fire by 14-year-olds, or the fear that I could be put on some sort of sex offender list by calling said 14-year-olds “idiot pieces of fuck.”

Still, with all that being said and how rampant this verbal nonsense is in these shoot-em-up games, I’ll still run into a group of nice people that make me feel all better. They’re usually older people who just like gaming with friends for fun. Still, when I hear someone say “good game guys, you’re actually pretty good” I almost break down into tears, add them to my friends list and offer them free dinners and prizes. It’s strange that it takes online gaming to make me think “hey, there are still good people in the world.” Then for some reason I get booted from the game lobby and get thrown into the middle of a “fuck” party held by a bunch of idiot children and realize why I began hating people from the start. I also just realized that the last sentence justified one of my previous reasons for not talking in games to begin with, the sex offender list… Sometimes I’m not good with the words. :(

Technorati Tags: call of duty, depression, modern warfare 2, online gaming

Human Target is Terrible/Awesome

For several weeks now I’ve been all up inside a new show on the Fox Network called Human Target. It’s a really stupid show that a lot of people I know would probably hate. It’s extremely formulaic and predictable as well. With all that being said, this show is actually pretty fucking awesome.

Human Target is a typical guy show. It has a lot of action, some explosions and a new really hot chick in every episode. Seriously, what more could you want out of a TV show? Sure the plots are pretty pointless and you can see every “shocking twist” coming from a mile away, but you have to know what to expect going in, which brings me to my next point.

The characters on this show are actually pretty cool. The main guy, Chris Chance, is sort of a James Bond/Jack Bauer mix. I’m not gay, but how can you not love a man that has Bond and Bauer inside of him? Wait, I think that came out wrong. Chance, however, is not my favorite character of the bunch. That spot is reserved for Guererro, the techie smart ass who is the smallest character on the show, but still threatens people who are way bigger than him… If you know me at all you can see how we relate. Then you have Winston who is played by Chi McBride and why wouldn’t he be? Winston is pretty much just there to worry about everything in a token older black guy “I’m too old for this shit” sort of way.

Even though the show is mainly the same thing every episode they are kind enough to give you some idea that there’s more to the story. They hint at things like shady pasts and evil ex-bosses. All these will come to a head at some point and when they do I’m sure they’ll be disappointing, but it still won’t matter to me because I’m not watching this show because it’s smart and well written.

You have to know what to expect going into certain shows. You can’t watch a show like Human Target and expect mind-bending ridiculousness like Lost or for it to be as fantastically written as Mad Men. Sometimes you just have to dumb yourself down and stare at explosions, fist fights and attractive ladies every once in a while. You can’t always just be a pretentious douche and exclusively watch shows that are hipster acceptable. What are you, in high school where you’re not allowed to like things that all your friends don’t like? Grow up, be an adult, drink loads of beer and stare at explosions and general badassery with me.

Hey stupid, what’s your favorite TV show? If you want to see me talk about it then send it in on my contact form and I’ll give it a watch!

Technorati Tags: awesomeness, badassery, Explosions, Human Target