Annie
When I was a child I had a friend named Larry. Larry was the type of kid that nobody really liked, including his best friend, me. We were best friends solely because of geography. We were the only kids our age within about a 5 block radius and being to young to really go anywhere, even on our bikes we were pretty much reduced to hanging out with each other all the time.
But this blog post isn’t entitled “Larry”, so fuck him. I’m sure he’ll get his own blog post a little while later as that’s it’s own disaster altogether. The only reason I bring him up is because during the summers I would usually take a trip with him and his parents to their cabin the middle of the Wisconsin woods, on a lake. It was here when I first became a man. It’s where the feeling of love first covered me like a whore in semen. It is where lust first took hold of me and shook me as fiercely as an unwanted baby… It’s where I first met Annie, the love of my life, the girl of my dreams, the goddess of my desires.
Okay, enough of the cheap erotica novel nonsense. To be honest it was probably the most awkward situation of my young life. We first met when me, Larry, and his parents took his pontoon boat across the lake to one of their friends houses. At their friends house was Annie, their daughter. She was my age but way taller than me, but don’t get me wrong, she was hot for an 8 year old. That first night we didn’t say one word to each other at all, instead I was hanging outside with my good buddy Larry. It was there that I revealed to Larry that I did in fact think that Annie was attractive. She had boobs! What’s not to like?
Of course being 8-10 years old I didn’t know what I was doing. I foolishly told Larry that I thought Annie was “pretty fucking hot”. I swore a lot when I was young. The next day we picked up Annie on the pontoon boat (parents driving) and we were cruising around with her when Larry, out of nowhere, says “Hey Annie, Josh has something he wants to tell you teeheehee.” You fucking bastard Larry! How could you do this to me? So of course the only thing I could do was play it cool and say “What? I-I-I don’t kno… What? Pffffffff, no I don’t. Pshh. What?” Goddamn I was smooth.
Well obviously she found out that I liked her over the course of the week, which made it just awkward. It was awkward in the fact that me and Larry were gigantic perverts and since I liked her and she liked me, Larry and I didn’t understand how I wouldn’t be getting some pussy in the very near future, never mind the fact that I was too nervous to even talk to her, let alone ‘throw it in her’.
Annie and I saw each other every day. We’d talk, flirt, not touch, etc. Then at the end of the trip we both wondered what would ever come of this little week long fling. We were to shy to really talk on the phone and we definitely didn’t want our parents finding out so we just said “see ya in a year or so” and that was it.
Luckily for me Larry took a trip up to Wisconsin every few months. I remember after he came back from his very next trip he called me up right away. He told me that he had to come over ASAP! When he came over he brought me a tape from Annie! She did a whole little talk show thing, with some of her favorite music. Also in the package was a handmade bracelet thing (it was masculine) and some other trinkets that she put together for me! So what did I do? I broke out the old Talkboy! I’d press record, put the microphone up against my other small tape player, play some Kriss Kross while I sat in my TMNT beanbag chair and threw up a little talk show of my own.
Sadly I never heard from her again. I bought her a ring for 99 cents at the mall, the fake diamond was in the shape of a heart and I was going to give it to her the next time I went up there. Sadly my mom confiscated it and said I was “to young to be giving girls rings.” I never again had the chance to see her or say goodbye. To this day I am 100% sure that she was my soul mate, the girl I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with and she probably died a couple years down the road so I’m now shit out of luck.
I also don’t remember her last name so I can’t really Facebook or Myspace stalk her. She probably turned into an ugly whore anyways, most of my ex’s do… Zing!
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