For a while now I’ve had a love/hate relationship with a little phenomenon called YouTube. On one side I can find any video I want in a matter of seconds. On the other side YouTube is ruining the future of the planet.
I do believe YouTube has some good inside of it. Some of these good things include instructional videos, presidential debates, news stories and other informative pieces. The only problem is, do we really watch that stuff? I know when I spend hours upon hours on YouTube I usually go from one video to another through the handy dandy recommendation box to the right of the video. It usually starts off innocent enough, but then takes a turn for the worse somewhere along the line. I’ll give you an example of the average progression of the YouTube recommended videos:
How to Use Social Bookmarking
to
How To Social Network Online
to
Social Workers Making A Difference
to
A Guy Shaves His Balls at a Social Gathering
What kind of horrible progression is that? Another problem I have with YouTube is when I type in something like “He Is Legend playing live” because I want to see my favorite metal band in action. The first thing that comes up is some faggot 14 year old playing a horrible acoustic version to one of my favorite songs in his attic. That brings me to my next point. People can put anything on there!
A lot of people say that the fact that you can put anything on YouTube is a good thing. I beg to differ. I have come to realize in my journeys that people, as a whole, have horrible taste in everything. So you have to wade through tons of videos from people who are “really getting there art out there, man.” To bad their art consists of a 16 year old whore dancing half naked on her webcam in her parents basement to horrible reggae music. Do you people realize that there are videos out there where girls get completely naked and do a whole lot more than dance?
Even after that hate inspired rant, I can’t stay mad at you YouTube. You may be ruining the world, but goddamn it, you’re making me too entertained by peoples stupidity to care.
I swear I found this video after I wrote the line above. I wonder how badly her parents wish they would have had an abortion now…
I’ve been all over the fucking place lately. Sometimes I space out for like 4 hours then I snap out of it and wonder what the fuck I did all day. It’s sort of like when you’re driving down the interstate all by yourself, then before you know it you’re at the stop sign at the end of the exit ramp and you wonder how the fuck you got there. Yeah, it’s a lot like that, except for hours at a time.
When these little space out times occur it’s usually when I’m sitting at the computer. Usually I’ll have to check my browser history to find out what I was actually doing. I check it out and I’ll usually say something like, “Hey, apparently I masturbated 3 times, that’s weird.” Then I’ll look at my left hand and slowly rub it on my jeans with a look of disgust on my face. And yes I said “left hand”, I’m actually right handed but I’ve used my left hand for happy time for as long as I remember. I guess you can call me ambiDIXtrous… Wait, that sounds like I have two cocks… Never mind.
Anyways, I asked someone I work with for advice about my space case situation to which they replied “Oh you’re just in la-la-land, it’s not big deal”. Then I made fun of them for having a stutter. Then they made fun of me for being stupid. Then I made fun of them for being a fat nothing. Then they complained to HR. Then I got a “talking to”. Then they… You get the fucking point, my situation wasn’t resolved.
It’s really like a half coma, except I’m awake and responsive. So I guess it’s not really like a coma at all. It’s more like I’m a robot, just going through the motions. It sucks because I finally got what I’ve been wishing for since I was little. Yes, I wanted to be a robot. But not an unresponsive, lazy robot. I wanted to be a robot that can jump really high, be super strong, and be able to read entire books in 5 seconds and retain them word for word.
Then some day I’ll meet the human neighbor girl, because I saved her from some drunk asshole who was trying to rape her in his car in front of her house. Then we’ll become the best of friends and have deep talks about life. I’ll tell her how I have no feelings or emotions because I don’t have a heart. Then one night I’ll tell her that I want her to show me what love is. She’ll tell me that she can never love a robot. So I’ll kill her and dump her body in the river. Then I’ll live happily ever after, leading the robot resistance against mankind. The End.
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