Subscribe via RSS Feed

Archive for October, 2008

I’m A Nice Guy!

View Comments October 9, 2008 | JoshPerson

From time to time I take part in a little site called Plurk. If you don’t know what Plurk is then check out my handy dandy Plurk widget to the right. Basically I write small funny quips daily, and people can comment on them! A lot of people on sites like these are actually pretty cool. I think my awesomeness is like a magnet that attracts somewhat awesome people. I’m like the center of the awesomeness universe.

That being said there’s also some fucking idiots that slip through. This is an example of one of them. The first block is my original message and the follow-up comments. The next block is some dumb whore’s comment she posted on her page that her friends commented on. I usually throw in my two cents at the end, but you people should know how stupid she is and how awesome I am. Plus I really, really like the way she ended it. Enjoy!

Josh: Facebook is acting like a suck cocker
GeekLover: i take offense to that.
Josh: you would slut whore.
GeekLover: ok, you dont know me well enough for me take that as a joke. too far too fast. goodbye
bumblebunny: What a whore.
Josh: wow what a stuck up cunt whore slut bitch
bumblebunny: You should kick her kitten off a cliff.
Jertronic: sexy?

GeekLover: just unfriended a guy who called me a ‘slut whore’.
GeekLover: i mean, geez, i let my friends call me whatever they want, but this guy knows nothing about me…
passionpartiessays: yeah. that would do it.
Mediafixit: not cool
JustJen: Who the hell?
Singsays: good for you !
TheBadMonkey: woah… how rude!
MoonFrogMommy: i’ll punch ‘em….
NotAPnknN1njawill: throat jab him
horribilissays: that’s not friendly behavior at all! I doubt if mcCain calls HIS ‘my friends’ that. He probably thinks it, though.
GeekLover: hahahahahahahahahahaahahaha…. that was a random McCain-ism… where did that come from?
Logics: rofl
Devidose: Meh, some people can just take things too far. That being said, I do have someone I call “whore”, and it’s a term of endearment >.>
Devidose: They don’t mind @P
GeekLover: it’s one thing if you at least kinda know the person… this guy is so self absorbed, he knows nothing of me
GeekLover: hes too busy being an asshole all the time.

Technorati Tags: ,

View Post/Comments

Ask Josh – 10/6/2008

View Comments October 6, 2008 | JoshPerson

Finally I get to post a normal, straight “Ask Josh” question. It’s nice to know that I have (allegedly) attractive female readers as well. If you just stumbled upon this blog for the first time and want to know what the fuck this is, or if you really need advice about something in your life check out the “Ask Josh” page.

I’m a straight 22 year old female and I don’t mean to sound conceited or anything but I’m attractive and intelligent, yet I can’t seem to get asked out on any dates. I’m assuming it’s because guys may be intimidated by me. Do you think that’s the case? If so what can I do to seem less intimidating and if not what should I do?

Goddamn it. I really need to get an “upload photo” option added to my “Ask Josh” page. I have a feeling it would make the answer to this question much easier. Though, I don’t think I can make that submit photo situation only accept pictures with boobs present. That’s a million dollar idea right there, someone smart create it, profit off it, and donate exactly $1 million to me. If you can do it by tomorrow morning so I don’t have to go to work that would be great.

On to the matter at hand. This question sounded real familiar to me so I had to do some digging through my mindosphere. Then I remembered an instance where some girl I was talking to online said nearly the exact same thing. Me being the super spy that I am tracked down numerous photos of this girl. Turns out she had the concave boob situation and a glaringly horrendous toucan-like nose. Plus judging from some of her blog posts she doesn’t know the difference between “intelligent” and “downs syndrome”. So chances are that your self perception is the exact opposite of what is fact. Just because your uncle raped you when you were 14 doesn’t mean you’re a catch.

For arguments sake let’s say that you do happen to be amazingly hot and intelligent. First of all, call me. Second of all, you’re probably one of those girls who verbalizes how awesome she is, thinking it impresses people, when in reality it just makes you a complete bitch. The only time it’s alright to talk about how awesome you are is when you’re me.

Either way, I have a few suggestions that can help enhance your love life:

1. Start hanging around junior high schools. I know when I was 13 I would have banged just about anything. The only problem with this is that young girls are complete whores these days so the market may be saturated.

2. Get a boob job. No matter how set you are in this area boobs can never be too big. Your boob skin should be stretched so tight that you can actually see the implants. Now that’s what I call sexy.

3. Become a hooker. What’s better than banging 5-10 dudes a day and getting paid for it? I don’t know because I don’t bang dudes. Sure you could get STD’s or murdered, but at least you’ll die rich and that’s all that really matters.

Technorati Tags: ,

View Post/Comments
Page 2 of 212