Dream Interpretation – Bloody Raccoon
At first I wasn’t going to post today, since it’s technically a holiday, but I didn’t really want to be held responsible for the amount of deaths by boredom that would undoubtedly occur if I didn’t post. Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve made fun of someone and I need an outlet. So here’s a dream interpretation for you all on the most boring of all holidays.
So I’m walking to walmart (i think. I know I was going to a store) and the walk was taking longer than usual. I was getting annoyed when I noticed I was being followed by a small cat or kitten. So i keep walking, and it’s still following me. I turn around and it’s right at my feet. I pick in up and see that it’s actually not a kitten but a tiny baby raccoon. I look at my hands and see that they are coverd in blood. I see that the animal is coverd in blood so I drop it on the ground. I’m pretty upset because I have a fear of rabies. So I continue to the store sort of confused. I look around , I start noticing houses I’ve never seen in my life. Then I pass this large house with a strage old white guy standing out side. He starts talking to me, and I can’t understand what he’s saying. I try to explain this to him and he starts yelling at me… “Your teeth, your teeth” So I touch my teeth and I felt somthing strange. It was a big black bug. I keep pulling bugs out my mouth untill there were none left…. then I noticed my teeth were gone and I woke up. smh Have at it.
A couple of things jump out at me right off the bat. First of all, that might be the most frightening photograph I have ever seen. In fact, it’s so frightening that it kind of turns me on a little. It sort of reminds me of the time when I went through a “haunted forest” around Halloween, but I got so turned on that I ran off, hid behind a tree and masturbated for about three hours. The goal is to become so exhausted that I can no longer be frightened. It’s some sort of weird self-preservation mechanism inside my brain, but I really like it.
The second thing that catches my attention is how absolutely ridiculous it is to read your nonsensical dream. I’m not saying that I’m a spelling or grammatical genius, and a quick read through some of my blog posts will tell you that, but goddamn, you might want to think about taking an English or “how not to be a dumb whore” class. I’m pretty sure that I could have written a more coherent paragraph in cursive when I was five.
As far as the dream goes, it’s pretty damn obvious what it all means. Your hands get covered in blood and you’re scared of getting rabies but you don’t even go as far as washing your hands off first. Then you just nonchalantly pull bugs out of your mouth like it’s just another Tuesday afternoon. My guess is that you realize that you’re a disgusting mess in real life, but don’t really have the motivation to do anything about it.
There could be a number of reasons why you don’t take the time to make yourself a cleaner, more attractive, and judging by your writing, a more intelligent person. The most obvious reason is that you’re just a slimy sloth. Women often think that they don’t have to better themselves because they have a vagina, and that’s all that really matters. It’s a common misconception that will lead you to a lackluster love life where you’ll probably only attract minorities. You’re really lucky that vaginas are so fantastic, because it’s not like you women are fun to talk to or be around to begin with. Still though, you shouldn’t use your dirty, hollowed out, disease infested, whore hole as a crutch. It should be the icing on the cake, not the whole goddamn cake, icing, sprinkles and a side of ice cream, itself.
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