Dream Interpretation – Bloody Raccoon

At first I wasn’t going to post today, since it’s technically a holiday, but I didn’t really want to be held responsible for the amount of deaths by boredom that would undoubtedly occur if I didn’t post. Besides, it’s been a while since I’ve made fun of someone and I need an outlet. So here’s a dream interpretation for you all on the most boring of all holidays.

So I’m walking to walmart (i think. I know I was going to a store) and the walk was taking longer than usual. I was getting annoyed when I noticed I was being followed by a small cat or kitten. So i keep walking, and it’s still following me. I turn around and it’s right at my feet. I pick in up and see that it’s actually not a kitten but a tiny baby raccoon. I look at my hands and see that they are coverd in blood. I see that the animal is coverd in blood so I drop it on the ground. I’m pretty upset because I have a fear of rabies. So I continue to the store sort of confused. I look around , I start noticing houses I’ve never seen in my life. Then I pass this large house with a strage old white guy standing out side. He starts talking to me, and I can’t understand what he’s saying. I try to explain this to him and he starts yelling at me… “Your teeth, your teeth” So I touch my teeth and I felt somthing strange. It was a big black bug. I keep pulling bugs out my mouth untill there were none left…. then I noticed my teeth were gone and I woke up. smh Have at it.

A couple of things jump out at me right off the bat. First of all, that might be the most frightening photograph I have ever seen. In fact, it’s so frightening that it kind of turns me on a little. It sort of reminds me of the time when I went through a “haunted forest” around Halloween, but I got so turned on that I ran off, hid behind a tree and masturbated for about three hours. The goal is to become so exhausted that I can no longer be frightened. It’s some sort of weird self-preservation mechanism inside my brain, but I really like it.

The second thing that catches my attention is how absolutely ridiculous it is to read your nonsensical dream. I’m not saying that I’m a spelling or grammatical genius, and a quick read through some of my blog posts will tell you that, but goddamn, you might want to think about taking an English or “how not to be a dumb whore” class. I’m pretty sure that I could have written a more coherent paragraph in cursive when I was five.

As far as the dream goes, it’s pretty damn obvious what it all means. Your hands get covered in blood and you’re scared of getting rabies but you don’t even go as far as washing your hands off first. Then you just nonchalantly pull bugs out of your mouth like it’s just another Tuesday afternoon. My guess is that you realize that you’re a disgusting mess in real life, but don’t really have the motivation to do anything about it.

There could be a number of reasons why you don’t take the time to make yourself a cleaner, more attractive, and judging by your writing, a more intelligent person. The most obvious reason is that you’re just a slimy sloth. Women often think that they don’t have to better themselves because they have a vagina, and that’s all that really matters. It’s a common misconception that will lead you to a lackluster love life where you’ll probably only attract minorities. You’re really lucky that vaginas are so fantastic, because it’s not like you women are fun to talk to or be around to begin with. Still though, you shouldn’t use your dirty, hollowed out, disease infested, whore hole as a crutch. It should be the icing on the cake, not the whole goddamn cake, icing, sprinkles and a side of ice cream, itself.

Technorati Tags: blood hands, bug mouth, dream interpretation

News Thing – Drunk Crossbow

Anytime my hate tank for humanity is a little low I set my sights on the news for a healthy refuel. Sure, I could look towards articles about politics or religion to quickly fuel my hate filled being, but the hate usually gets directed inwards after I realize that I’m not nearly as smart as I think I am.

Instead, I take a look at the small stories that rarely get any attention. The stories usually involve three main things: alcohol, weapons and blatant stupidity. They’re typically not hard stories to find here in America where everyone is constantly drunk, armed and ill-mannered.

Here’s the latest article that caught my attention:

Police said on June 21, Lupercio started arguing with a 25-year-old man about the breed of the younger man’s dog on the sidewalk on Apple Street between 29th and 30th streets. The owner said the dog was a pit bull. Lupercio said it was a lab, then went home and came back 20 minutes later with a crossbow pistol and fired it, just missing him.

Alcohol was a factor in the incident.

As weird as it sounds, the part of this story that I have the biggest problem with is when they state that “alcohol was a factor in the incident”, like this guy’s not a gigantic asshole to begin with. Don’t give this guy an alcohol out for his extreme barbarism. If he’s shooting crossbows at people when he’s drunk he at least says “what the fuck are you looking at?” five times a day when he’s sober to anyone who even glances at him.

You hear about these types of stories all the time. Two people have a small disagreement and one of the people usually assaults and attempts to kill the other. I actually think that this particular brand of crazy, that threatens lives, can really just be reduced to people, as a whole, being complete self-serving assholes deep down. I’m not even talking about the hilarious and intelligent kind of asshole, like me. I’m talking about just mean and bitter disappointments to society. It’s these types of violent assholes that really give a bad name to the awesome assholes like me, and it’s a damn shame.

So what do we do about this problem of an unintelligent, violent and ill-mannered society? I guess the only real solution to this particular problem is to kill their entire bloodline. Really snuff out the problem on the base level. If you try to injure someone over a ridiculous disagreement, you’re done. It’s not like you’re a positive, contributing member of society anyways.

Technorati Tags: asshole, crossbow, drunk