No “Weekend Video Time” this week as I have some situations going on, but here are some interesting things for you to check out. Read all the way through this and you’ll be rewarded with some rare niceness.
Also, if you find a news article or video you want me to make fun of, or just think I should read send me the link on my Contact Form.
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I also want to say thanks to everyone who comes and reads this ridiculous blog constantly, comments, and helps spread the word. It’s greatly appreciated.
Don’t forget to come back Monday (usually later in the day) for another blog post!
Recently, I’ve once again began going to the dentist, after a five year hiatus. I don’t exactly have dental insurance so I just wait until my mom makes me an appointment and says she’ll pay. Usually that works fine, I go in to get a check-up and all is good. This time, however, is a complete mess. My appointment next month will make it three different appointments in three months, which is torture. I’d rather get waterboarded once than go to a dentist three times. Actually going to the dentist is a lot like getting waterboarded, except instead of getting choked out by water you get choked out by your own tooth dust.
Dentists have the weird gift of making you self-conscious completely out of nowhere. I never had braces as a kid because my teeth were never that screwed up. My mom felt guilty about never getting me braces so now she wants me to get Invisalign, which are basically clear brace-like mouth guards. So I went in for the consultation and the dentist immediately started in with the teeth bashings, saying things like “Do you ever feel self-conscious about your teeth, or never smile because you’re embarrassed?” To which I replied “not really, I just never smile because I think it shows weakness”. Then he just stared at me with a look of disapproval.
I had never been self-conscious about my teeth up until that point. It’s not like they’re sticking out all over the place like goddamn novelty truck stop hillbilly teeth. These dentists really do nothing except prey on your insecurities. The whole thing is a complete scam because every time I go into the dentist for a check-up they end up saying “you have cavities all over the fucking place” even though my teeth don’t hurt and aren’t sensitive at all. I’m getting to the point where I just want to say “Really? Pull out those goddamn teeth and show me the cavity then, you bald bitch”. I bet he’d decline that proposal, which proves that my theory is correct.
Another thing that annoys me about dentists is when they always say “you know drinking soda is bad for your teeth, right?” No fucking duh. I’ve known that since I could first understand words. I learned that around the same time I found out that sitting too close to the TV is bad for your eyes, and that every time I touch my peep a baby falls into a well of blood.
From the time I get something scheduled, up until the time I have the actual appointment every day is ruined for me. I could be having the best day ever and then I’ll remember I have a dentist appointment coming up in a month and become extremely miserable. I’ll literally be dreading this every single day for the next month. Yes, I’m an adult.
On a side note, use the new retweet button above to help spread the word of my blog, or do anything else that may help get me internet popular.
It seems like such a long time has passed since I’ve been able to thoroughly help someone with one of their life problems. It’s not that I didn’t want to help, it’s that nobody wanted my advice. Finally, someone sent me in an advice question, and I encourage all of you to do the same.
Dear Josh,
I just started my undergraduate mechanical engineering track and I really like what I’m learning. However, I have a slight loathing for cars, and I’m not that interested in aerospace technology. Whenever I tell someone that I picked mechanical engineering, after the usual oooh, they start telling me about cars or airplanes, at which point I lose interest in the conversation. Did I pick the wrong major?
Now let me start off by saying, I know absolutely nothing about engineering. I’m pretty much the exact opposite of an engineering-type guy. First of all, I’m handsome, clean and have some semblance of a personality. To me, engineers are the type of people who have no thoughts outside of their work. They can’t even hang out with the wife and kids for five minutes without convulsing because all they want to do is be balls deep in some sort of dark grease while holding old, dirty wrenches.
So, the fact that you’re already not that into it really speaks volumes about what you should do. I’d say, if you don’t have dreams about marrying a drum of motor oil, or fantasize about pulling gigantic, complicated levers then you’ve made a wrong turn. I would imagine you could go into other areas besides cars and airplanes, but I have really no idea and I don’t care enough about you to do any research on the topic whatsoever.
Luckily, with my lack of knowledge comes my kick ass intuition. From the moment I read your email I could tell that you are out of your element. You really don’t want to do what you’re doing. You might, instead want to be a race car driver in a small town where the biggest highlight of your life would be coming in 2nd at the county fair. Or, I could give you grandma advice and tell you an uplifting story about the neighbors son who “does computers for a living and is making lots of money in it. You should look into it.”
You could also do what the young man did in the movie “Into The Wild” (and in real life) and pack bare essentials into a bag and travel across the country, but instead of giving your life savings to charity you can send it over on my donate page. Or you could start a publishing company and pay me thousands of dollars to write something for it. I’m just looking out for your best interests. I really want to see you succeed in life.
Sure, I guess I could be considered a scumbag for making this, of all videos on the internet, my next target for ridicule. That’s why I’m going to do something a little different. Instead of making fun of everything about the messed up girl in this video I’m going to talk about some of the comments I’ve read on it’s YouTube page.
Anyways, get ready to feel completely uncomfortable:
Sure, it would be super easy to pick this girl apart and that’s exactly why I’m not going to do it. I’d also feel like making fun of this video would push me over the asshole edge, quickly going from funny and likable to a monster built completely out of assholes. So first, I would like to start out with a compliment. This girl has bigger balls than I would ever dream of having. It took me three internet years to work up enough courage to post pictures of my face on MySpace, and I’m a moderately attractive young stallion. I would never even think about posting a YouTube video of myself, and if I did I sure as hell wouldn’t be singing in it.
While grimacing at watching this video, I started to read some of the comments posted underneath it. I’ve never been one for reading comments on anything because it’s usually filled with ramblings of complete douches arguing with each other. The comments on this video, however, are more cringe-inspiring than the video itself. Sure, you have the usual asshole comments making fun of her, and those are sort of bad, but they’re generic and unoriginal enough to easily brush off. Then you have the comments attempting to be nice, saying “You have such a good singing voice! You go girl!”
I think these so called “nice” comments are actually crueler than the ones calling her a melted candle face. Obviously this girl doesn’t have anywhere close to a good or even moderately listenable singing voice. Building her up with all this fake self confidence will just open her up to twenty times more ridicule down the road. Also, just because someone has a disability it doesn’t automatically make them fucking amazing at everything. If it was an attractive, or even very average looking girl singing like this nobody would be fake nice to her, but since this girl is disfigured all of a sudden she’s the best singer in the world.
In a perfect world nobody would be leaving negative and hateful comments on this video, and nobody would be posting fake nice comments either. Everyone would just take this video for what it is, do a mixture of cringing and chuckling to themselves and then ignore it, just like we should do with disabled people themselves. And yes, I realize the hypocritical nature of talking about this video on my blog.
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