A Date With Josh
Lately, I have been getting countless emails from my hundreds of female fans. Most of them are asking me out on dates and sending me nude pictures on my new contact form. I figured I would give all these ladies a taste of what it’s like to date the almighty Josh. This isn’t going to be me making up stuff to impress you ladies, but what it will be is real life examples of why I may be the single best date on the planet. Man, I’m going to get a lot of boob pictures for this one.
When I ask out a girl, whether I have already known her or she’s a stranger, I have a few tricks I like to employ. Usually I start out with some always awesome self deprecating humor. I’ll ask the girl out and then say something like “it’s alright if you say no, I get turned down all the time”. It’s pretty much the best pick up line ever. It’s hilarious because someone as handsome and smart as I am never gets turned down, but if they don’t pick up the sarcasm and laugh then you guilt them into going out with you. It’s win/win.
When I pick up a girl for a date I usually crank up some heavy metal music so it sounds like we’re in some badass action movie. From my movie watching experiences girls love to bang dudes after an exhilarating action scene with hard, fast paced music. Sometimes the movie girls also get a little roughed up in the action scene so I may or may not throw in a few forearms to their ribs just for good measure.
Now as far as date plans go I usually don’t make any. I like to show my potential love interest that I’m spontaneous and can think on my toes. This usually leads to me driving around in circles saying “so what do you want to do?” 500 times. This is good because it makes her a little uncomfortable, which I find also brings up self consciousness and insecurity. What a thrill ride! Usually we end up just sitting in my car in the Wal-Mart parking lot making fun of fat white people in dirty sweat pants. It’s like improv comedy so I can put on a show so she sees how clever and funny I am.
After I make fun of people for a few hours I’m usually pretty hungry so we find somewhere cheap to eat. For first dates I usually enjoy going to Taco Bell. It shows her that I’m not like other guys who try to impress women with fancy dinners and romance. I’m the bad boy who doesn’t give a fuck about what other people think. So while we eat dinner I usually set my sights on her and really acknowledge her for the first time. I generally throw out a little, funny insult. Not out of cruelty, more like when I was a child on a playground and would play tug on a girl’s ponytail for fun. The date usually splinters off right here into one of two directions. Either she gets offended, or she laughs and jokingly calls me an asshole.
If the girl gets offended then it’s fucking on. I don’t tolerate these types of uptight bitches so I just sit back in my booth and start taking cruel shots at everything about her. I realize that I’m not going to be sexing her anyways so I might as well have fun tearing her apart verbally. If she laughs and jokingly calls me an asshole then I’m in there. The girl obviously gets my sense of humor and will definitely be receiving a beef donation from me in the next couple of hours. When we get back to my place things usually get pretty hot and heavy fast, but I don’t want to leak any of my sexy secrets. If my moves don’t seem spontaneous then they won’t work as well.
As you can see, I’m pretty much the best date around. It’s an exciting thrill ride that you definitely won’t forget. Sure, you may get a few bruised ribs, experience some boredom and get torn down verbally, but it’s all part of this extremely extravagant experience that I do just for you. I know it seems like a lot of trouble for me to go through and sometimes it’s not easy pleasing women like I do, but I can’t help it. I guess my biggest flaw is that I just care too much. Call me, ladies!
Category: General Posts
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