Ask Josh – Battered

Hooray! I’m back from a vacational hiatus and ready to change lives. Speaking of changing lives I just want to reassure you that your New Year’s resolutions will fail miserably. Why were you waiting for a new year to start making those types of changes anyways, you lazy fuck? It’s weird how most people get oddly inspired by a number on a calendar. The only numbers that inspire me to do something outstanding are the numbers on my microwave. I try to hit the “door open” button right when the countdown hits “0:00″ and before the beeping noise goes off. I’m not trying to brag or anything, but I’ve perfected the art of the “non-beep zero”, so if that was one of your resolutions you might as well give up now.

I dont want to make the question too long incase you burn me, but i have been dating my boyfriend for a year and a half now, my mum hates him and he doesn’t get on with the rest of my family either. Im getting alot of pressure to leave him but im not sure if i want to, there are other issues between us, but i think the family bit is the most important. I guess the question is, how important is family acceptance of your partner? Any help would be so appriciated. *sorry for such a long question*.

I can’t believe you would think that I would “burn” you for writing a long question. There’s really no need for apologies. I treat my readers with the utmost respect. I really couldn’t be nicer. This timidness and apologetic feel to your question makes you sound like a battered housewife. Hell, that’s probably why your “mum” isn’t fond of your relationship. Bruises aren’t only visible to the people who have them and there are only so many things you can fall down or bump into. Your mom is on to your game.

Typically I would tell a girl who is questioning her relationship to just break it off, send me nudes, and if those nudes are good enough I’ll get someone more attractive beat them… Me. I don’t think that’s such a good idea this time around, though. I mean, still send me nudes, but you sound far too defeated to hang with me. I like a girl who tries to fight back.

In all seriousness, I was in a very similar situation with an ex-girlfriend of mine. Her parents absolutely hated me. It really blew my mind that anyone wasn’t a big fan of mine. What’s not to like? I’m smart, hilarious and most importantly, white. It’s a little tough for me to make a judgment call on this one because you added no information about why they hate him, or what the “other issues” are. Besides, you’ve dated for a year and a half now so you’re nearing the maximum duration for a relationship involving someone with your presumed level of whore anyways. Or you could just talk out the problems like a normal, rational human would. I know, I know, that’s crazy talk. Just keep living in a world filled with self created drama, I’m sure it’ll work out some day.

Category: Advice Column