Ask Josh – How To Be Romantic
There’s a very troublesome trend in the dating world that I’ve picked up on throughout my years. It seems like after a while the passion starts to dwindle and you might as well be two robots with dicks and pussies that now rarely get used. This guy is having a similar problem:
Dear Josh,
How can I be more romantic? My girlfriend says I’m not romantic enough anymore. When we first started dating, I’d do all kinds of cutesy couple-like things for her, but I don’t anymore.
Please help!
Like I said, this is a very common situation to be in. I don’t know how many housewives say this same thing to me as they beg me to bang them. It can also lead to the end of a relationship if you don’t play it exactly like I’m going to instruct you. So either follow my advice, or die lonely. It’s really up to you.
The first thing you have to do is decode what your girlfriend is really trying to say. Girls say this all the time and you shouldn’t always take it at face value. I don’t know if you noticed this, but girls have a habit of needing something to bitch about constantly. This may be the only thing that her feeble little mind could come up with.
How can you tell if the complaint is real or not? Easy, by body language. If she says it while crying after watching a “chick flick” or reading a romance novel then you have nothing to worry about. She’s probably just influenced by the dickless, homosexual writer’s idea of a real man. It will pass. However, if she says it with a bitch face and refuses to put out for an extended period of time then you’re in the danger zone.
Now, most people will probably tell you to start doing a bunch of sweet stuff immediately, but that’s completely wrong. Even if it is a real issue to her it doesn’t exactly mean what you think it does. In reality, she’s just trying to control you. If you give up all your power and start doing nothing but nice things to her then she’s going to give up on you because you’re not a challenge anymore.
Sure, you can still do the occasional nice thing, but you have to mix it with something slightly mean. Always hold your ground as a real man. Don’t let this screwed in the head mate of yours turn you into a girly-man who loves romantic comedies and gets way too into the idea of having kids.
An ideal situation where you can still be sweet is by buying her flowers one day, but as you’re handing them over to her say something along the lines of “here you go, you fucking bitch”. You could also say something like “hey idiot, lets go for a romantic walk on the beach so I can look at babes that are hotter than you”. The second one is great because it throws in something for them to be insecure about, which is always fantastic.
I know these strategies seem uncommon and your gut reaction may be to avoid them at all costs. However, you have to realize that most relationships end, usually horribly. All these relationships are doomed from the beginning because men all follow the same terrible logic that you’re probably thinking about following yourself by completely submitting to her needs. These idiot men all take their romantic cues from shows like “Friends” – it’s absurd. So get your dick out of your heart and join me in the man club (not gay).
Category: Advice Column
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You could also say this when you hand out the flowers to her :
“Take these and watch them die!”
Seriously who has time for being romantic….with all the silicon chips and such surely they could design us a lovebot that does all the emotional heavy lifting in a relationship….I’d make sure he has a ken cod piece though cause you wouldn’t want the lovebot taking all of the honey out of the honey jar!
PS: luv ya blog…feel free to love mine in return ;)
I’ve got to be honest, I disagree completely. Can we agree to disagree ;)
Sure, you can disagree with me, but if you do you’re an idiot.