Ask Josh – Motivation and Worrying

This week I have two “Ask Josh” questions to answer. One is about worrying and the other is about being a completely lazy waste of a human being. At first I didn’t really give a care about how this guy ends up, but then I realized that if he gets motivated enough to become a millionaire I could be in for a huge pay day or if he starts a publishing company, I could have a lucrative writing career. So since I really have nothing else going on in my life at the moment I figured this would be my best chance to actually make something of myself.

Dear Josh,
I’m such a pussy. I worry about everything.
Please help!

Dear Josh,
I am a lazy ass. I try to get up early in the morning, but I just can’t do it. Apparently I have enough willpower to fill out this form, but not roll myself out of bed in the morning.
Please help!

I’ll cut the usual foreplay and go right for the pussy (question). I used to be exactly like you, the only difference is that I was five years old and afraid of everything. I really don’t understand people who worry constantly. To me worrying is just a sign of not being drunk enough. I overcame my worry problem as a child because I started drinking whiskey at a very young age. I think this tactic effectively murdered all the cells in the “worry center” of my brain.

If you’re not into being black-out drunk all day all night then whenever you start worrying about something just ask yourself “what would Josh do?” The answer to this question 90 times out of 100 is “he’d probably just say ‘fuck it’”. This is actually the main concept behind my new book “Fuck It Therapy: How to Get Rid of Your Mind’s Vagina”. Also, if you were wondering what the answer is the other 10 out of 100 times it’s “eat a quesadilla”.

Now comes the question about being lazy. For starters you could always refer back to my previous blog post about how to get motivated. The guy who asked me that question hasn’t written back with any problems or follow up questions, so I’m guessing it’s all working out fine for him. So just follow that previous post and start writing me checks.

If you read that and you’re worried about it not working (because that’s what you do) then you should probably just force yourself into a near-death experience. Nothing gets a man motivated like almost dying and realizing how pathetic his life has actually been so far. Believe me, when near death you’ll be thinking “if I could only survive this I’ll wake up early every morning and really try to make a difference in this world. I should also probably try bedding more chicks because I don’t want to die with my bang count being this low.”

Need some advice about how to fix your life? Just write in and ask for some help! For all other nonsensical questions check out my new-ish Mini-Ask Josh form.

Tags: advice, motivation, worry

Category: Advice Column