Ask Josh – Ridiculously Gay Edition
Alright, this is just getting fucking terrifying. When I did my last Ask Josh about the gays I didn’t realize that I was in for an onslaught of gayness. From now on when you come to my website there is going to be a quiz you have to fill out. This quiz cannot be cheated. The quiz will determine if you’re a male gaysexual, and if you are you’ll get redirected to The Bible on Amazon.com. Read it and be straight/normal. Actually, the reason I don’t want gay people to submit questions is because I’m already almost through the book “101 Gay Jokes” and I really don’t know where to take it from here.
Seriously, is it me that’s attracting all the gayness? If it is I just want you all to know that I wouldn’t even do a guy, guy, girl threesome with the hottest girl in the world. I want no view of dick and balls in a real, live atmosphere. I will never be caught in a situation where there’s a chance of me accidentally rubbing against someone else’s scrotal arena.
Greetings Joshua, I just wanted to ask you something that has been troubling me lately. Lately I find myself spending a lot of time online with a man that I have never met. He’s cute, charming, funny, and he has the same interests as me. I have a girlfriend, but I’m starting to wonder if I might be gay. What do you think?
Finally I figured it all out! After hearing all of these gay people tell their perfectly truthful and legitimate stories about how “being gay isn’t a choice” we have absolutely legitimate proof that it is! This news should make me, and this blog famous! I would even venture to say that this blog will probably be put in history and science books as a real turning point for our culture! I really don’t care about all of that, but it probably means that I’ll also become rich, which is the only thing that really matters in life.
As for the question, I think that if you ever refer to a male as “cute”, even if it’s a newly born baby boy, you’re auto-gay from that point on. However, just to make sure, you could visit one of your local glory holes (like the one in the adult book store at the corner of 5th and Belmont, for instance) and wait for a cock to pop through a hole and see what kind of reaction you get. If your mouth starts to water and your pants get tight, you’re a gay. If you get disgusted, and your first reaction is to stomp on it with your shoe, then suck the guy off and get the fuck out of there. After all, you don’t want to be rude.
Next question please…
I’m head over heels over this guy at work, but everytime I try to talk to him, I get struck with retardism…. I don’t know how to get him to notice me…. and if I do talk to him I end up being mean, like when you are 8 years old and you are really mean to the one you like… what should I do?….
Wait a minute, I thought being gay was a form of retardation… You mean to tell me that they are two separate things? Oh, you probably mean that you get hit with the other form of retardation, like downs syndrome or something, on top of your normal retard activity. That would make more sense. You gays are fucking confusing with your word play and how anything I say can apparently be turned around to sound like I want to blow a tranny.
My first instinct is that the guy you have this “thing” for isn’t gay at all. How did I come to this conclusion? I’m glad you asked. You see, you mentioned that you turn into an asshole whenever you’re around him. If he was gay he’d be all over you because the gays are absolutely obsessed with assholes. Or maybe he is gay, but he’s not into ass play at all, so try acting like a dick instead.
That concludes this “Ask Josh” session. If you have any straight, completely normal life questions that you want to be answered from a trained(ish) professional check out the Ask Josh page for more details!
Category: Advice Column
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