Ask Josh – The Show

I just want to say that I don’t usually answer these types of questions. In fact, I just wrote a blog about what I want “Ask Josh” questions to be like. It’s an advice column for fucks sake, you’re not interviewing me. I figured I would give a pass to this one, though, because I may slightly be an egomaniac and it’s a very valid question about my future plans.

If “they” (meaning the entertainment industry) were to make a tv show/movie/documentary/mini series about your life, what category (comedy, drama, suspense thriller) would it fall under? Who would play you? Would you watch it?

Before I get to answering the question I better jump into my usual berating. I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, using a word, and then describing that word in parenthesis when you could have just used the parenthesized word in the first place. It’s already painful enough for me to read societies idiotic questions, but now they’re making them as long and drawn out as possible. Not only that but you said “category” and then listed some example categories… Again, they have a word for that, it’s called “genre”. I don’t claim to be a literary genius, but at least you can read my work without wanting to punch yourself in the eye with a cantaloupe.

At first I was going to say that if the entertainment industry got a hold of the story of my life it would definitely have to be a movie. Then I realized that my life has been and will continue to be far too interesting to fit in one 2 hour movie. The story of my life can only be contained in the first, nightly, three hour long show. Three hours long, every night until I die. After that there will be an equally long show nightly called “The Remembrance of the Great Josh Person” where people get together and talk about how awesome I was, then there will be a week of people talking about how big of an asshole I was. That would go along for about another 10 years, until they could finally cut it down to a one hour show three times a week for the rest of eternity.

As far as genres go the story of my life would contain every single genre imaginable. Of course there will be comedy and drama, that shit is standard. Then there will be awesome sci-fi special effected up episodes based on my completely insane dreams. There would definitely be an episode that’s a thriller too, when I was 8 and first danced to that Michael Jackson song “Thriller”. Even when I was a child I had the premonition that he fucked kids, but I think his godly status in music should far outweigh that, and it’s obvious that it has.

This whole thing will be an event of a lifetime and I can’t wait for it to happen. Now that I have those plans finally typed out all I have to do is sit back and wait for some big Hollywood executive to stumble across my blog. Actually, my stat tracking program for this site has shown hits from “Los Angeles” over the past couple of months so they’re probably still adding “0′s” to the contract.

As for your other stupid questions, I would obviously play myself. Nobody in the world could even act this awesome. Also, why the fuck would I watch it? I lived it, and will continue to live it. Don’t worry though, even when I’m mega-rich and famous I’ll still put up blogs every once in a while. They’ll mostly consist of me bragging about how awesome it is to be famous and a list of every insanely expensive thing I bought during the week. I obviously couldn’t go too much into detail because I don’t want to post any spoilers for my TV show, so I’ll probably just resort to berating people who send in emails.

Tags: Advice Column, ego

Category: Advice Column