Ask Josh – Treating Depression

Hey guys, what’s up? Just wanted to let you all know that I’m extremely depressed right now. Why am I depressed? Well, we just went through daylight savings time and not one person reminded me to switch my clocks back an hour. I really don’t see the point in living anymore, to be honest. Usually, the entire week preceding daylight savings time I get reminded by 15 people per day and it sure as hell is the only topic amongst the old ladies in the break room. This time, however, not even one person hinted at it. Don’t worry, I didn’t miss an appointment or anything and I realized it right when I woke up when I saw half of my clocks were fucked up, but still, the way it went down makes me question everything about life.

Here’s another person who’s depressed, probably not by daylight savings time:

I’m constantly in a morbidly depressed state of being. What can I do to change the way I look at life in general?

Man, I feel your pain. I too have had dark thoughts, and not just dealing with the whole daylight savings situation. My morbid depression hits me every time I see a sexy lady and mentally talk myself out of hitting on her with my usual “eh, she’s probably a whore” excuse. But don’t think for one minute that I’m taking your problem lightly. Depression is a very serious thing.

I find the best thing to combat depression is to find the positives in your life and try to slowly build up positive momentum. Also, if possible, surround yourself with little puppies and kittens. Pack your house with them so you can barely even walk in it. Sure, you’ll probably step on a few, accidentally murdering them, but after the shriek of puppy death you’ll instantly be cheered up because you’ll see three of them snuggling in the corner against a stuffed teddy bear that’s wearing a little top hat and a monocle.

I guess you could always go the pill route, but I don’t think that’s really a good idea. It seems like taking pills for depression only makes you not be able to feel anything. Before you know it, you’ll be rebelling against your parents who put you on the drug until the day you stand up to them and say “I don’t care what you say, I’d rather feel nothing but pain for the rest of my life than feel nothing at all”… Or at least that’s what I’ve gathered from all the made for TV movies that I use as masturbatory warm up.

If neither of those techniques seem to work out you could always find solace in the fact that if you’re a cute girl I will probably bang you. That should be enough to give you a lifetime of happiness right there. Hell, even if you’re average or ugly looking, but are rich, I’ll definitely still bang you. Plus, if that’s the case then you’ll even get the added bonus of me instantly marrying you for your riches. Let’s face it though, if you’re insanely rich you’re probably not depressed because money is really the one, true happiness maker.

Desperately need some advice like this depressed individual? Email me your problem and I’ll talk about it right here on the site!

Tags: Advice Column, daylight savings time, depression

Category: Advice Column