Dream Insanity
I don’t know what the hell my deal is lately, but every night for the last month I’ve been having vivid and super insane dreams. I have no idea where this streak of nonsense came from, it’s not like I do any hallucinogenic drugs or anything. I know dream talk is boring as shit and nobody really cares, but I’m completely out of ideas and motivation to come up with anything too hard-hitting today.
The dream from a few nights ago makes me question what I’m doing with my life, as it probably should. I was in the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 video game. Well, I wasn’t really in it as much as the setting was just real life. This definitely made me think that I should go outside once in awhile. Then I realized that shooting bad guys while saving school children in dreams was way better than anything I could do outside. What would I do out there anyways, look at some dumb leaf? No thanks. I’ll stick to being a hero.
I think the dream I had last night was even crazier than me being a fearless hero. I was in the garage of my dad’s old house when some new neighbors walked in. They looked dirty and gross so I told them to get the fuck out. They told me they made their living by scamming government programs, which is awesome, but in the dream it made me pissed off. All I could do was scream “get the fuck out of here, hill people”.
Now, I thought that hill people were basically just like carnies who live in the woods, but apparently I was wrong in this dream. I googled “hill people” when I woke up and this is what I found:
There are hill people around the world, many of whom live in stone houses and herd goats, sheep or camelids or have small farms. Musical instruments of the hill people, such as various forms of bagpipe and horn...
Needless to say, the actual description is far too whimsical to describe the disasters appearing in my dream. Anyways, before I knew it these two (my original version of) hill people had about 25 of their kids pack this goddamn garage. Not only that, but some other hill relative tries convincing my dad to take this drug as I yell “Dad, you can’t trust a goddamn thing these hill people say!” I don’t know if this dream was just an indication that I’m a racist deep down or what.
The dream ended by my dad taking this drug out of an dropper of some sort, then he went blind and locked me in the garage with the hill people because he was mad at me for not taking my advice… Because that makes sense.
I hope that wasn’t too boring for all you dream story haters. Also, if you are one of those people you may want to stop coming to this site (please don’t) because I’m bringing back “Dream Interpretations”. This is a segment I used to do where people would send in their dreams and I’d tell them what it means. You can read past ones here, as well as send in your dreams here.
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I’m Offended
It should be no surprise to you that as a man with an internet connection and an overwhelming abundance of loneliness I sometimes frequent not-so-family-friendly websites. In fact, most of my internet browsing consists of some of the most unspeakable acts ever known to man, like “intercourse”. Just hearing that word must send you into a tourette’s-like spiral of Our Father’s and Hail Mary’s. At least that’s how this guy probably felt:
This is a comment on one of the dirty little videos that I stumbled on during one of my hourly daily “vacations”. When I first read this nonsense I laughed and couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t offended at first, but my following thought process led me to a place where I felt overly offended for the first time in my life.
I was offended because I started thinking about how this “person of Christ” came upon a seedy adult video site and what drove him to post something like this in the comment section of one of the videos. I think I’ve come up with the only realistic scenario possible, so let’s just call it “the truth”.
Nothing in this post suggests anything about being an ex-masturbator, I just find these t-shirts completely ridiculous.
First off, I’m guessing that it was a guy who posted this comment. I have my reasons for this assumption, which I’ll get to later. When this guy started watching the video he didn’t think anything was wrong with it. Christian or not, dicks were made to do work and sometimes on their own schedule. That’s why wifi was invented. He probably does this at least a few times a week, like the average guy and without feeling bad about it.
Then one day after he finished giving himself a once-over he started feeling really guilty about it. Maybe the video was a little dirtier than he was used to or maybe it was just some fluke emotion that pops up once in a while. This also happens to all guys. Sure sometimes it’s great like “I’m glad that happened, I can think now”, but other times it just hits you differently like “I am disgusting. I can’t believe I do this to myself. What’s wrong with me? What am I doing with my life?” Jacking off is like playing Russian roulette with your emotions. Sure, five chambers are empty, but the sixth is a bullet that can shoot down all of your confidence and ruin your life.
So this guy hit the sixth chamber on this certain day. I know this because only one front page video had this comment. I checked (oh boy, did I check). If he came across this site just to spam the comments with this God stuff then he is less than half-assing it. Not only that, but I did generic searches for adult video sites on Google and this site never came up on the front page, which means he knew of it already. If it was a girl she probably wouldn’t have come across this site to protest and even if she did every video would be plastered with her message multiple times. She wouldn’t have done what this guy did which is post it on one video on one site then say “alright, I need to take a shower now. My keyboard is getting sticky.”