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Category: Celeb Bashing

This Mel Gibson Guy

View Comments July 10, 2010 | JoshPerson

This week we all finally got to hear the newest Mel Gibson racist, nonsensical tirade and it makes me happy. I don’t generally post about super popular news stories here because apparently I’m trying to keep this site as unpopular as possible, but I just had to post this. (Audio stops at the 2 minute mark and there’s nothing after it.)

Why did I just have to post this and why does it make me happy? Well, mainly because it makes me look like a huggable, lovable puppy dog. Sure, I’ve said some vicious, potentially offensive stuff on this blog and in life, but nothing I’ve ever said could be compared to the insanity that is Mel Gibson.

Even though this audio makes everything I’ve typed on this blog look rational part of me wants to look at it as a challenge imposed by Mr. Gibson directly to me. I feel like I now need to outdo him with a crazy rant of my own. All of a sudden I’m in a bat-shit-crazy-off with Mel Gibson, but it’s one that I would never be able to win. Why? Because he seems to be against big boobs, which may be the most insane thing I’ve ever heard. The “your boobs are too big” part of the rant makes the “if you get raped by a pack of niggers” part of the rant look like a playful jab between two lovely and innocent 6-year-old girls. I’ve really never heard anything more offensive in my entire life.

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Celeb Bashing – Shauna Sand Sex Tape

View Comments October 28, 2009 | JoshPerson

I’m not one for creating holiday specific posts, but this one time I’m going to make an exception. Since it’s close to Halloween time I figured I would post something that should scare the hell out of you. Shauna Sand is the next “celebrity” to come out with her own sex tape. Don’t know who Shauna Sand is? Yeah, me neither, so read on.

Shauna Sand, cougar extraordinaire and ex of Lorenzo Lamas, is the latest and, arguably, the oldest celeb to star in her own commercially released sex tape. The self-proclaimed 38-year-old (clears throat), a mother of three, would not be outdone by onetime adult stars Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. She will have her X-rated coming out via Shauna Sand Exposed, a DVD getting released by leading porn maker Vivid on Wednesday, the company announced today. (LA Weekly)

Sure, she’s an ex-Playboy model, so how scary could it be? Oh yeah, she looks like she was built by some nerd scientist in an effort to make a female sex robot version of Howard the duck, mixed with a hint of zombie.

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I know what you’re saying, “but, being a Playboy model, she’s got to at least have a great body, right?” I saw the trailer for this disaster and can’t seem to make up my mind about her body. In some shots her implants look they they’re diseased watermelons that fell off the back of a truck and in others they look perfectly fine. It’s quite the dilemma my penis has to deal with. It’s a good thing he usually shies away from implants, because they often cause too much confusion. He’s been burned one to many times by unmarked tranny porn.

Also, while watching the trailer I couldn’t help but notice how well shot the whole thing was. Unless she was banging an actual pornographer, there is no way that this wasn’t purposely created to give her exposure and “boost her career”, which up to this point has been Playboy and some incredibly terrible movies that nobody has ever fucking heard of. Instead of overdosing, like a good, fake whore, she’ll probably be on televisions across America in a matter of months.

Maybe I’m just jealous because this sex tape will almost certainly land her a reality show, which she’ll get paid millions to do. It’ll turn out just like the Kardashian situation, except extremely more terrifying. At least I would actually bang Kardashian, though. Don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. Hell, it’d probably be like trying to bang a rocket launcher wound, with all the black dudes she’s been with, but I still think it would be more respectable than flailing around with a half melted Barbie doll, like Sand.

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Celeb Bashing – Foxx Hole

View Comments May 6, 2009 | JoshPerson

Alright, this is the final day of this little Celeb Bashing thing I’ve been posting that I wrote a while back. Hopefully you enjoyed it, but if not it’s officially over. That is, unless these go over well then I might write new ones every once in a while just for fun (see the poll below). Also, remember to come back tomorrow for a new regular blog post where I’ll talk about how confusing/stupid women can be. It’ll be fun.

jamiefoxx

Some people think that Jamie Foxx would be good at playing Barack Obama in a movie, or something:

“The actor, who imitated Barack Obama at the We Are Once kick-off concert at the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday, seemed ready to portray the President-elect.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Foxx tells Usmagazine.com at the Declare Yourself event at the Renaissance Hotel in Washington, D.C. on Sunday. “He’s going to do his own movie for the next four to eight years.”

He added: “It’s going to be incredible.”

Foxx, who recently began discussing politics on his Sirius radio show called The Foxxhole, tells Us that his listeners have responded to Obama’s message.”

I guess the real story here is that Jamie Foxx is gay now. Being gay is really the only reasonable explanation to referencing your “hole” in the title of your radio show. I would imagine his radio show is basically people calling in and telling him what black people in history he should play in a movie… That and a lot of gay anal sex references. I also think that if there was a movie about Obama it should be played by Samuel L Jackson, because he’s really not in enough movies. Plus, the idea of our president saying “mutha fucka” constantly would make me truly proud to be an American.

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