Celeb Bashing – Shauna Sand Sex Tape

I’m not one for creating holiday specific posts, but this one time I’m going to make an exception. Since it’s close to Halloween time I figured I would post something that should scare the hell out of you. Shauna Sand is the next “celebrity” to come out with her own sex tape. Don’t know who Shauna Sand is? Yeah, me neither, so read on.

Shauna Sand, cougar extraordinaire and ex of Lorenzo Lamas, is the latest and, arguably, the oldest celeb to star in her own commercially released sex tape. The self-proclaimed 38-year-old (clears throat), a mother of three, would not be outdone by onetime adult stars Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. She will have her X-rated coming out via Shauna Sand Exposed, a DVD getting released by leading porn maker Vivid on Wednesday, the company announced today. (LA Weekly)

Sure, she’s an ex-Playboy model, so how scary could it be? Oh yeah, she looks like she was built by some nerd scientist in an effort to make a female sex robot version of Howard the duck, mixed with a hint of zombie.

I know what you’re saying, “but, being a Playboy model, she’s got to at least have a great body, right?” I saw the trailer for this disaster and can’t seem to make up my mind about her body. In some shots her implants look they they’re diseased watermelons that fell off the back of a truck and in others they look perfectly fine. It’s quite the dilemma my penis has to deal with. It’s a good thing he usually shies away from implants, because they often cause too much confusion. He’s been burned one to many times by unmarked tranny porn.

Also, while watching the trailer I couldn’t help but notice how well shot the whole thing was. Unless she was banging an actual pornographer, there is no way that this wasn’t purposely created to give her exposure and “boost her career”, which up to this point has been Playboy and some incredibly terrible movies that nobody has ever fucking heard of. Instead of overdosing, like a good, fake whore, she’ll probably be on televisions across America in a matter of months.

Maybe I’m just jealous because this sex tape will almost certainly land her a reality show, which she’ll get paid millions to do. It’ll turn out just like the Kardashian situation, except extremely more terrifying. At least I would actually bang Kardashian, though. Don’t get me wrong, it wouldn’t be enjoyable at all. Hell, it’d probably be like trying to bang a rocket launcher wound, with all the black dudes she’s been with, but I still think it would be more respectable than flailing around with a half melted Barbie doll, like Sand.

Technorati Tags: howard the duck, kardashian, sex tape, shauna sand

Celeb Bashing – Foxx Hole

Alright, this is the final day of this little Celeb Bashing thing I’ve been posting that I wrote a while back. Hopefully you enjoyed it, but if not it’s officially over. That is, unless these go over well then I might write new ones every once in a while just for fun (see the poll below). Also, remember to come back tomorrow for a new regular blog post where I’ll talk about how confusing/stupid women can be. It’ll be fun.

Some people think that Jamie Foxx would be good at playing Barack Obama in a movie, or something:

“The actor, who imitated Barack Obama at the We Are Once kick-off concert at the Lincoln Memorial on Sunday, seemed ready to portray the President-elect.

“Oh, I don’t know,” Foxx tells Usmagazine.com at the Declare Yourself event at the Renaissance Hotel in Washington, D.C. on Sunday. “He’s going to do his own movie for the next four to eight years.”

He added: “It’s going to be incredible.”

Foxx, who recently began discussing politics on his Sirius radio show called The Foxxhole, tells Us that his listeners have responded to Obama’s message.”

I guess the real story here is that Jamie Foxx is gay now. Being gay is really the only reasonable explanation to referencing your “hole” in the title of your radio show. I would imagine his radio show is basically people calling in and telling him what black people in history he should play in a movie… That and a lot of gay anal sex references. I also think that if there was a movie about Obama it should be played by Samuel L Jackson, because he’s really not in enough movies. Plus, the idea of our president saying “mutha fucka” constantly would make me truly proud to be an American.

Should "Celeb Bashing" become a regular thing?

• You should turn your whole site into celeb bashing!
• Meh, it'd be alright occasionally.
• God no, what are you, gay?

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Technorati Tags: Jamie Foxx