Not a Real Dream Interpretation

I’ll be honest, lately I’ve been kind of sick of interpreting dreams. I know, I help millions of people with my dream intelligence and future telling sorcery, but I’m just starting to get burned out. With that being said, I just got a couple of dreams sent in that I don’t really have to interpret, because they hurt my brain powers too much to even understand. Hopefully these will un-burn me out of doing dream interpretations so I can get back to making the world a better place the only way I know how.

Disclaimer: If you have idiot overload seizures or sustain brain damage from attempting to read this dream, I am not responsible in any way.

IT WAS PROM SEASON AND I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL THE PROM WAS AT A CONCERT AT NIGHT MY DRESS HAD GOTTEN RUINED SO MY DATE GOT ME A DRESS OUT OF NO WHERE WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE BATHROOM ALL OF MY GROUP OF FREINDS WHERE GONE.SO I WENT BACK TO THE TOUR BUS WE ARRIVED IN BEFORE I STEPED ON IT I SAW NURSE DRESSED IN SHORT BLACK DRESSES WITH AXES IN THERE HANDS,ONE OF MY FREINDS GOT HIT WITH THE AXE AND A GHOULISH CREATURE CAME OUT OF THE GROUND AND I THINK HE WAS THEE MASTER. MY FREIND TRIED TO STEP ON THE BUS BUT SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE BOTTOM STEP I KNEW I COULDNT PULL HER UP IN TIME SO I KICKED HER OFF THE STEPS AND CLOSED THE DOOR WHILE THE GHOUL TRIED TO RAM IT OPEN. I GOT IT CLOSED AND HE WHIPED SOME FROST OFF THE WINDSHEILD AND I SAW HIM WITH SOMETHING BIG,HE WAS GOING TO BREAK THE GLASS BUT I WOKE UP RIGHT BEFORE HE DID… <3

The good thing about this cluster fuck “dream” is that I probably don’t really need to make fun of it, because if you read it you should see the humor automatically… That’s if you can actually read the goddamn thing. When I first got this dream I thought it was written with Chinese characters, then I shook my head violently to make sure my eyes were aligned correctly and when I looked at it again I thought it was a transcript of a Hitler speech. It wasn’t until the third time I looked at this dream that I realized that an actual human wrote this in a serious frame of mind, and then depression sank in.

After spending 74 hours trying to decode this disaster I did notice some shocking things about it. The first thing that boggled my mind is how this person can spell “ghoulish creature” perfectly, but misspell “friend” every goddamn time. That in itself made my eyes roll back in my head so ferociously that I did a back-flip. Other than that, we have the usual forms of complete idiocy (caps lock, terrible punctuation, misspellings, wrong “there/their/they’re” usage, etc).

I’m not exactly the best writer in the world and I’ve had my fair share of horrid spelling and grammar mistakes, but I’m at least able to make sense most of the time. So, I’m not trying to say that I’m better than this person because they appear to be terrible at everything, but I’m definitely better than this person in every way possible. I could read a book about how everything George W Bush did was correct because he was guided by Jesus, and be less mentally annoyed than I was when I read this dream.

As I mentioned before, I recently got a couple dreams sent in that I don’t really have to interpret. This was the first one. What about the second one? It was sent in by the same goddamn person. So I’ll probably post that one up soon and delve a little deeper into my internal hatred container. I also just want to note that the person who sent this in is a black woman, so if I get shot down outside of a Wal-Mart or finger-wagged to death, you all know where to start the suspect search.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, idiot

Dream Interpretation – Mrs. Forgetful

This marks the last dream I have in my hopper, so send those bitches in. Also, I’ve been out of “Ask Josh” questions for a while as well, so send some of those in too. Here’s today’s dream:

I have this recurring dream at least once a week for the past several years. I need to get somewhere (i.e work, airport etc.) and I A) can’t find my keys B) can’t find my purse C) can’t find my car or if I have my car all the roads have changed and I can’t find my way there. It drives me nuts, I don’t lose things in real life. Please help me!!!!

This dream is pretty easy to interpret, really. I wish you people would challenge me more. Some may say that this dream means you’re sort of a scatter brain in real life, or that you easily misplace things that would help you get anywhere in life. They would interpret the dream literally, but I want to go a completely different direction.

I think the reason you can’t find your keys or purse is because you have the mentality of a 3rd grader. You probably think that you’re not grown up enough to have these things so they disappear completely from your dream. You probably also still watch cartoons, cry when you don’t get your way and either have no idea what sex is, or if you do you probably think you just rub up and down on someone else with your clothes still on.

Having the roads change also fits in with my theory. When you’re young you have no idea what roads take you where. Sure, you may have a general idea where something is at, but the best you could really do is point in the direction you think it’s at. You also probably never bring beverages along with you when you drive, because you think “drinking and driving” includes every single beverage. Really, anything that falls under the “I’m a dumb fucking kid and I don’t know any better” category.

You really should be ashamed of yourself. I know way too many people who still act like children. Now, I’m not talking about being slightly immature for your age or being “young at heart”, which is fine. I’m talking about being an irrational, ignorant goddamn disaster of a human, mentally. You’re really no better than the obese people I make fun of all the time on here, but instead of cake and butter you gorge yourself on ridiculous drama and stupidity.

I would like to suggest that you start acting more like an adult. Take a break from Nickelodeon and watch some adult shows to see how those people act, or rent a porno to finally find out how sex works. Then, once you do figure out what sex really is, go have it, get pregnant and raise a child so you’ll either have a crash course on how to be an adult and develop responsibility, or at least have someone with the same mentality as you to hang out with.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, immature