Disclaimer: If you have idiot overload seizures or sustain brain damage from attempting to read this dream, I am not responsible in any way.

IT WAS PROM SEASON AND I WAS IN HIGHSCHOOL THE PROM WAS AT A CONCERT AT NIGHT MY DRESS HAD GOTTEN RUINED SO MY DATE GOT ME A DRESS OUT OF NO WHERE WHEN I GOT OUT OF THE BATHROOM ALL OF MY GROUP OF FREINDS WHERE GONE.SO I WENT BACK TO THE TOUR BUS WE ARRIVED IN BEFORE I STEPED ON IT I SAW NURSE DRESSED IN SHORT BLACK DRESSES WITH AXES IN THERE HANDS,ONE OF MY FREINDS GOT HIT WITH THE AXE AND A GHOULISH CREATURE CAME OUT OF THE GROUND AND I THINK HE WAS THEE MASTER. MY FREIND TRIED TO STEP ON THE BUS BUT SHE FELL ASLEEP ON THE BOTTOM STEP I KNEW I COULDNT PULL HER UP IN TIME SO I KICKED HER OFF THE STEPS AND CLOSED THE DOOR WHILE THE GHOUL TRIED TO RAM IT OPEN. I GOT IT CLOSED AND HE WHIPED SOME FROST OFF THE WINDSHEILD AND I SAW HIM WITH SOMETHING BIG,HE WAS GOING TO BREAK THE GLASS BUT I WOKE UP RIGHT BEFORE HE DID… <3

The good thing about this cluster fuck “dream” is that I probably don’t really need to make fun of it, because if you read it you should see the humor automatically… That’s if you can actually read the goddamn thing. When I first got this dream I thought it was written with Chinese characters, then I shook my head violently to make sure my eyes were aligned correctly and when I looked at it again I thought it was a transcript of a Hitler speech. It wasn’t until the third time I looked at this dream that I realized that an actual human wrote this in a serious frame of mind, and then depression sank in.

After spending 74 hours trying to decode this disaster I did notice some shocking things about it. The first thing that boggled my mind is how this person can spell “ghoulish creature” perfectly, but misspell “friend” every goddamn time. That in itself made my eyes roll back in my head so ferociously that I did a back-flip. Other than that, we have the usual forms of complete idiocy (caps lock, terrible punctuation, misspellings, wrong “there/their/they’re” usage, etc).

I’m not exactly the best writer in the world and I’ve had my fair share of horrid spelling and grammar mistakes, but I’m at least able to make sense most of the time. So, I’m not trying to say that I’m better than this person because they appear to be terrible at everything, but I’m definitely better than this person in every way possible. I could read a book about how everything George W Bush did was correct because he was guided by Jesus, and be less mentally annoyed than I was when I read this dream.

As I mentioned before, I recently got a couple dreams sent in that I don’t really have to interpret. This was the first one. What about the second one? It was sent in by the same goddamn person. So I’ll probably post that one up soon and delve a little deeper into my internal hatred container. I also just want to note that the person who sent this in is a black woman, so if I get shot down outside of a Wal-Mart or finger-wagged to death, you all know where to start the suspect search.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, idiot

I have this recurring dream at least once a week for the past several years. I need to get somewhere (i.e work, airport etc.) and I A) can’t find my keys B) can’t find my purse C) can’t find my car or if I have my car all the roads have changed and I can’t find my way there. It drives me nuts, I don’t lose things in real life. Please help me!!!!

This dream is pretty easy to interpret, really. I wish you people would challenge me more. Some may say that this dream means you’re sort of a scatter brain in real life, or that you easily misplace things that would help you get anywhere in life. They would interpret the dream literally, but I want to go a completely different direction.

I think the reason you can’t find your keys or purse is because you have the mentality of a 3rd grader. You probably think that you’re not grown up enough to have these things so they disappear completely from your dream. You probably also still watch cartoons, cry when you don’t get your way and either have no idea what sex is, or if you do you probably think you just rub up and down on someone else with your clothes still on.

Having the roads change also fits in with my theory. When you’re young you have no idea what roads take you where. Sure, you may have a general idea where something is at, but the best you could really do is point in the direction you think it’s at. You also probably never bring beverages along with you when you drive, because you think “drinking and driving” includes every single beverage. Really, anything that falls under the “I’m a dumb fucking kid and I don’t know any better” category.

You really should be ashamed of yourself. I know way too many people who still act like children. Now, I’m not talking about being slightly immature for your age or being “young at heart”, which is fine. I’m talking about being an irrational, ignorant goddamn disaster of a human, mentally. You’re really no better than the obese people I make fun of all the time on here, but instead of cake and butter you gorge yourself on ridiculous drama and stupidity.

I would like to suggest that you start acting more like an adult. Take a break from Nickelodeon and watch some adult shows to see how those people act, or rent a porno to finally find out how sex works. Then, once you do figure out what sex really is, go have it, get pregnant and raise a child so you’ll either have a crash course on how to be an adult and develop responsibility, or at least have someone with the same mentality as you to hang out with.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, immature

So I’m walking to walmart (i think. I know I was going to a store) and the walk was taking longer than usual. I was getting annoyed when I noticed I was being followed by a small cat or kitten. So i keep walking, and it’s still following me. I turn around and it’s right at my feet. I pick in up and see that it’s actually not a kitten but a tiny baby raccoon. I look at my hands and see that they are coverd in blood. I see that the animal is coverd in blood so I drop it on the ground. I’m pretty upset because I have a fear of rabies. So I continue to the store sort of confused. I look around , I start noticing houses I’ve never seen in my life. Then I pass this large house with a strage old white guy standing out side. He starts talking to me, and I can’t understand what he’s saying. I try to explain this to him and he starts yelling at me… “Your teeth, your teeth” So I touch my teeth and I felt somthing strange. It was a big black bug. I keep pulling bugs out my mouth untill there were none left…. then I noticed my teeth were gone and I woke up. smh Have at it.

A couple of things jump out at me right off the bat. First of all, that might be the most frightening photograph I have ever seen. In fact, it’s so frightening that it kind of turns me on a little. It sort of reminds me of the time when I went through a “haunted forest” around Halloween, but I got so turned on that I ran off, hid behind a tree and masturbated for about three hours. The goal is to become so exhausted that I can no longer be frightened. It’s some sort of weird self-preservation mechanism inside my brain, but I really like it.

The second thing that catches my attention is how absolutely ridiculous it is to read your nonsensical dream. I’m not saying that I’m a spelling or grammatical genius, and a quick read through some of my blog posts will tell you that, but goddamn, you might want to think about taking an English or “how not to be a dumb whore” class. I’m pretty sure that I could have written a more coherent paragraph in cursive when I was five.

As far as the dream goes, it’s pretty damn obvious what it all means. Your hands get covered in blood and you’re scared of getting rabies but you don’t even go as far as washing your hands off first. Then you just nonchalantly pull bugs out of your mouth like it’s just another Tuesday afternoon. My guess is that you realize that you’re a disgusting mess in real life, but don’t really have the motivation to do anything about it.

There could be a number of reasons why you don’t take the time to make yourself a cleaner, more attractive, and judging by your writing, a more intelligent person. The most obvious reason is that you’re just a slimy sloth. Women often think that they don’t have to better themselves because they have a vagina, and that’s all that really matters. It’s a common misconception that will lead you to a lackluster love life where you’ll probably only attract minorities. You’re really lucky that vaginas are so fantastic, because it’s not like you women are fun to talk to or be around to begin with. Still though, you shouldn’t use your dirty, hollowed out, disease infested, whore hole as a crutch. It should be the icing on the cake, not the whole goddamn cake, icing, sprinkles and a side of ice cream, itself.

Technorati Tags: blood hands, bug mouth, dream interpretation

Lindy (my sister) and I were together and we came upon a bus. From the outside it looked really run down and I didn’t even realize it was a bus at first, when  she got on it. Lindy came back out and told me there is something really cool on the bus and I should come take a look. I go in and to my surprise it is a fairly clean and nice bus.

I sat, got settled then noticed a weird lever at the back of the seat in front of me.  After a bit, the person in front started to fidget with the lever. She pulled it and in an elaborate mechanism the seat transformed into a standing bed with straps around the person so they can sleep upright. This is what Lindy wanted to show me that was cool about the bus. Lindy and I also got our seats to readjust into beds.

The bus then magically transforms into a rollercoaster. The rollercoaster was in the sky over a tropical locale. I got the feeling that it was Mexico. As the ride went faster the sleepers eventually dislodged from their fixed place and flew freely above the ride (imagine kites, with people on them, attached to a rollercoaster ride).

Me and the other people were having a great thrill, until I noticed Lindy’s harnesses coming loose. The other passengers’ were too and figured so were mine. People began falling out and Lindy went down. They weren’t falling to their deaths though. A large open body of pristine water, and attendants were waiting below on the ground and in the water. Then mine broke, I dived down towards the water. When I splashed in one of the attendants said that that was “the best one” (dive?) she saw all day.

Then the dream went weird towards conclusion: Lindy, myself, and a few other people regrouped on the shore. One of the guys said his house is just around the area and we should go with him to help to create craft pieces (painted slabs of rocks) that we can sell.”

Whenever I think of a rollercoaster I always think of this hilarious picture of what seems to be a scared Myrtle Urkel:

The first thing I noticed about this particular dream is how blatantly confused I was during the first paragraph. For some reason when you said your sister “got on” the bus I mentally pictured her climbing on top of it, and since all women are hot in my visions she started doing a sexy pole dance. After I came back to reality two hours later I finally figured out what you meant.

I think the fact that bus seats turned into upright beds on a rollercoaster means you like to sleep around, especially if the rollercoaster had loops in it. In this case the fright that you feel when your seat belts come undone is really the same type of fear you get immediately after sexing a stranger, that of an STD.

That fear quickly diminishes, however, when you get “in the mood” again and you do an olympic type dive into another pool of sex where you go off with some artsy creep who wants you to play with his rocks. So if I can give you some “Ask Josh” type of advice it would be to quit being such a goddamn whore. Oh, and you should give me your sister’s phone number so we can bang it out talk about how she can help you with your sex addiction.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation

I had just gotten home and I saw that my dog, a st bernard, was in this huge puddle. He was on a chain, it was night time, the water was up to his neck. I went to pull him out when behind me I heard a noise, I turned around and it was a little piglet. I then realized the reason my dog was in the puddle was because he was trying to keep afloat all these piglets that were drowning!!! I jumped in, with my shoes on, that was important in my dream for some reason, and I saved about 10 little piggys. They were bobbing there with their heads under water and I’d pull them out and they’d be all muddy. I was a heroine. I saved the pigs.

My first instinct is that you have a dog face and a pig body, but for some reason you think that it’s masked by what kind of clothes you wear, which is why the shoes seemed so important to you. Obviously clothes can help a disgusting slob like yourself to an extent. You don’t want to be walking around with hot pink bicycle shorts and a local high school sports team tank top. Still though, your best bet is to work harder at Wal-Mart and try to become store manager some day so you can start saving up for some plastic surgeries.

That’s just my initial impression though, and without seeing a picture of your disgustingness I can’t be completely sure. The case might actually be the exact opposite. You might have a serious calling as a plastic surgeon yourself because you rescued disgusting pigs. Also, since they were actually piglets it leads me to believe that you could narrow your focus down a little more to child plastic surgery. It’s a huge, untapped market that you could make a killing from.

Sure, those two instances seem completely contradictory which may lead you to believe that I don’t know what I’m talking about, but the fact is that I still maintain genius status. You see, the most likely scenario is that both are true. You’re a fat, disgusting slob who has a calling as a plastic surgeon. Now, I know you’re thinking “who would want plastic surgery from a dog faced pig body?” That’s simple. Children. Children are stupid and not judgmental at all. They’re born with this sort of unbiased, loving mind, which is really a shame. It takes years of conditioning to teach them to judge, mock and be cruel to people. With that being the case they also won’t know that they’re hideous and therefore won’t elect to get surgery themselves, so you’ll have to get a little creative.

You’re going to have to steal them. Sure it could be seen as kidnapping, but once they see the results everyone will be ecstatic about finally being able to see some good looking children. After the parents see their kid transformed from a disappointment with a punchable face to a sexy, up-and-coming movie star they will be grateful and willingly give you thousands of dollars for your services. Who knows, you may even get your own reality show on E! someday. Besides, with the progression of America in the last 10 years this is basically the new American dream.

To get your dream interpreted just fill out the form on the dream interpretation page.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, Plastic Surgery

I was standing outside my house which overlooks the city’s harbour. I had a clear view down to the city which for some reason was an island in the middle of water. Then I looked up, and a spaceship/fighter plane flew overhead slowly towards the city, when it was overhead, it dropped a massive bomb (possibly of the nuclear kind) and while it was falling towards the city I was thinking oh my god this is a dream this isn’t happening and it isn’t going to explode. But then it hit the ground and a mushroom cloud started to erupt.

Then I was suddenly in my living room, watching the televison news for the day. The bombing of my city wasn’t even mentioned, which I thought was weird, shouldn’t the bombing of a country’s capital be first on the news. Then my girlfirend came in a mumbled something inchoherantly. Very weird.

The only tough part about interpreting this particular dream is that I’m shocked the mushroom cloud didn’t look like this, given the insane and terrifying nature of most dreams:

If there was really a nuclear bomb with this kind of mushroom cloud it wouldn’t be the radiation that killed me. I’d probably die from my brain killing itself out of pure fright. I fucking hate clowns. They are my one true weakness… Well that and needles.

Other than that, this is a pretty straightforward dream to interpret. The massive explosion that you witness symbolizes an upcoming outburst in your life. It’s slowly (like the aircraft moved slowly) building up until one day it just explodes in a violent manner. Had you seen the infamous clown cloud, you’d instead erupt with laughter, but since you have already been to this blog you probably got that out of your system.

What is this frustration building up inside you? The second part of your dream tells us just that. It could be that you’re frustrated with the way that main stream media is very dishonest and slanted, not reporting on facts. They instead report what the handful of people who actually run this country want them to report to play games with society to keep us frightened and obedient.

Yeah, it could be that. Or it could be because you’re just really fed up with your stupid bitch girlfriend. How did I come to this conclusion? Well it included misspellings such as “girlFIREnd” and “incHOherantly”. You’re probably getting really frustrated with how she just walks around, mumbling stuff incoherently, smoking weed and banging pizza delivery boys. You should really start working on a line graph for a pussy tightness to ignorant whore ratio. There’s got to be a point when it’s just not worth the fucking effort.

To get your dream interpreted just click here and fill out this form.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, mushroom clown, nuclear bomb

All right, I’m dying to know what this dream means. I have this fear of the dark. The night is the time when I often hear mysterious yells and screams (and then find fire remnants and broken beer bottles the next day) at yonder park, and I always freak myself out about who’s there.

So a few nights ago, I dreamt that I was actually just letting my dog out in the yard. The night was pitch black, so you couldn’t see anything. I was basically having a panic attack already, so it didn’t help when my mom randomly disappeared and I was left alone with the dog who, infuriatingly enough, just couldn’t seem to be able to take a freaking dump.

I hear the ominous footsteps coming from the manhole a few yards away from where I’m standing. I was certain it was just my imagination. So I ignored it. Then I finally realized that I could hear breathing in front of me, and, somehow, I could feel body heat.

So, yeah. I came to the conclusion that there was a tall, shadowy figure standing within a few inches in front of me, and I was stuck here with a dog, completely defenseless.  At that point, I no longer had Punkin (dog) with me. Maybe she ran off, and I let her go so she wouldn’t be stuck here with Mr. Tall, Dark, and hopefully Wimpy. I reached out my arms and gave him a big shove and began to run away.

Now would be a good time to mention that if the dream you send in is freakishly long I edit it down. Believe it or not, this is only about a quarter of what was originally sent to me. I’m not going to make you people read three pages worth of dream and then only a paragraph or two of me making fun of you helping you interpret it.

I once read somewhere that dreams have the ability to tell future events. I think this fact is extremely prevalent in this particular dream. That being said, I see a rape in your future. How else could you describe a tall, dark man breathing down your neck? Also, judging from that description, the raper will probably be black, which also leads me to believe that you’re a white woman with a gigantic ass. The picture above, that you sent me is actually quite fitting. The guy looks like he might have a bit of an afro and you’re wearing an easy access skirt situation, even though the female probably doesn’t fit your body type.

The fact that both your mom and your dog disappeared shows that after you get raped nobody will help you get through it. Everybody will disappear and start calling you things like a “whore”, “damaged goods” or just a “disappointment”. You’re going to be alone in this, so be prepared.

The darkness obviously symbolizes a state of severe depression and quite possibly a long and painful death. So, you really have quite the ordeal to look forward to. My suggestion to you would be to lock yourself in your basement or some sort of panic room. Stay away from all men with darker skin. Also, try to quit being such a child with an irrational fear of darkness. Darkness is your friend, particularly if you look anything like what black rapists usually go after.

Technorati Tags: dream interpretation, fear of darkness