Today I’d like to talk about something that I find absolutely fascinating and something I’ve been extremely interested in for many years. Smelly billboards. Here’s the news:
The billboard on N.C. 150, west of Mooresville, N.C., near Lake Norman, emits the smell of black pepper and charcoal to promote a new line of beef available at the Bloom grocery chain. A high-powered fan at the bottom of the billboard spreads the aroma by blowing air over cartridges loaded with fragrance oil. (USATODAY)
I am absolutely for this idea, but I don’t know why. I think it’s because every time I smell food outside when I’m walking by a restaurant I think of Chicago or New York and get all happy inside. Actually, I’m not for this particular billboard, but I like the general idea. I don’t need to be driving down the street with my windows rolled down, take a whiff of black pepper and then sneeze myself into a murderous car accident. As a manly man “death by sneezing” isn’t the way I thought I’d go out.
I guess some people may think the fragrance may hurt the environment somehow or make them puke in their car or something. I’m not really concerned by that. What I am concerned by is that this might possibly be the food industry’s way of getting fat Americans to start eating billboards. There being more fat Americans concerns me. I have to see these gross people in their skin tight clothes because they think they’re showing off their curves. If they start eating billboards I won’t even be able to go outside without the fear of getting eaten or stepped on.
Think about it, for the past several years portions have been getting larger and larger. If we keep going down this path we will no longer have the storage space for these gargantuan portions. That’s why the food industry is planning ahead. They know people will continually go down the path to fat fuckdom if given the chance, so why not offer steak smelling billboards to consume?
I bet you’re wondering how these companies will make money from this when they’re not selling the billboard. They’ll just sue the disgrace of a person who ate it, for destroying their property. Americans get fatter and they get rich. Everybody wins. Wait, I don’t win. Hmm, I may have to rethink my position of supporting this monstrosity. Hey food industry, give me a cut and I’ll totally get behind turning people into billboard- and people-eating fat fucks. I can be bought, because right now the only thing I’m concerned about is getting a new iPod.
The big news around the internet today is that the very popular TV and movie streaming site Hulu may start charging people who want more content. Apparently, you’ll still get the last five episodes of your favorite shows for free, but if you want to watch more than that you’ll have to buy a plan that’s a shade under $10/month.
The thing that I find funny about this whole paying for content situation is how people are such entitled idiots. I’ve read hundreds of comments about this story today and the majority of them go something like, “this is bullshit, how dare they charge us money and have commercials. Looks like I’ll just go back to torrenting.” Guess what asshole, if you don’t want to upgrade you don’t fucking have to. You’ll be getting the exact same content you’ve been getting without paying anything.
It seems like the majority of people out there want all of their favorite TV shows online for free and without commercials, then when asked how the networks plan to make money they spout off “well, these big companies need to get with the times and figure it out.” People think they can just get free entertainment when it costs millions of dollars to produce these shows they like so much. It doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.
I even read a comment today that said something like “we should all just torrent everything to teach these bastards a lesson!” Yeah, then they won’t be able to afford making shows anymore and you’ll be left jerking off in your bedroom listening to AM radio. I guess what these people want is the only other option, which is some over-the-top Wayne’s World-style product placement. They basically want all of our good television programming to turn into infomercials.
Personally, I think Hulu starting to charge would be a decent move. Some networks have already started pulling their content because they aren’t making enough money, so hopefully this will not only give people all episodes of their favorite show, but also bring in new networks who want a piece of the action as well. I’m sick of watching poorly ripped episodes of Breaking Bad on illegal stream sites because it’s not available on Hulu and I’m too afraid to torrent shows after getting busted for it a few years ago.
I know this whole post makes me sound like some corporate cock sucker, but that’s not true at all. I’m trying to be rational about the whole “how to bring TV shows and movies online” thing because I think it’s exciting and extremely convenient for my on the go/crime fighting/life saving/babe doing lifestyle. I also realize that I don’t want it to get to a point where all TV shows are geared towards old people because they’re the only ones who actually pay for cable. I really don’t need to see Jay Leno on every fucking show.
Recently, Samsung has come out saying that you shouldn’t be watching 3D things while boozing it up, babied up, or even a little bit sleepy. As a lover of stupidity this makes me giggle.
First off, the site says not to use 3D while under the influence of alcohol…
So fine, you’re up watching TV and you’re not drinking. You also shouldn’t be too tired, according to Samsung. The warning strictly says that those who are sleep deprived should stay away from 3D. The same goes with the elderly and pregnant women. Why? Samsung doesn’t say.
I thought the whole allure of 3D was to make terribly unwatchable things at least somewhat pretty to look at so you don’t blow your brains out halfway through. If you’re going to watch a 3D movie chances are that you’re not planning to think. You’re also probably going into the movie completely shit-faced and wearing some sort of disguise so you’re friends don’t think you’re a major douche.
How poor is our creativity that we need 3D to spice up the film industry? How fucking out of ideas are we? Even as a kid I watched one 3D show and thought “I don’t see the point of this stupidity”, but I kept the glasses anyways because they made me look like some sort of cheap futuristic pimp.
Who else is supposed to watch shitty 3D cinema besides people wasted out of their fucking minds and pregnant women who can’t move? They’re pretty much banning their entire demographic. They may as well tell stoners and children they can’t watch 3D either.
I’ve been seeing advertisements for 3D TVs lately and I’ve never been more disappointed in the human race. I’ve always thought of myself as a technologically advanced guy and often wondered when I would just lose contact with technology and become a grandpa who has to have his grandkids show him how to work the ole “tv clicker”. I’m starting to think this is that point.
If technology keeps going towards 3D TVs and motion activated games, like the Wii, I can see myself completely shutting down… Wait a minute, I just came up with a brilliant idea. 3D Wii games!!! You can jiggle around like a goddamn seizure monster while virtually hitting a tennis ball that looks like it’s coming right at you! These are the best technological advancements ever!
Loading ...
