Out of all the crazy things in this video I think the most ridiculous thing about it was that the guy just jogs up to a (supposed to be) hot babe and doesn’t get immediately rejected. Either that or the fact that he carries a regular frisbee and a death frisbee around with him at all times. I can’t help but wonder what thoughts were running through his head the day he decided this ridiculousness was necessary.

I mean, I’ve had some pretty irrational thoughts lead to real world decisions before, but nothing this extreme. The furthest I’ve ever taken it was deciding that I’ll never wear flip-flops just in case I get into a fight or need to push someone out of the way of an oncoming train. Plus, wearing boots adds several inches to my height. This is needed because I only hit on girls who are shorter than me and it increases my target demographic. Maybe if I decided to wear only stilts because of this fact then maybe I could be compared to Mr. Razor Frisbee.

Speaking of my dating life, I think this video will finally help me spot “the one”. I’ll just walk around telling strange girls that they’ve “got a great ass” and if one ever replies with “so do you pilgrim” I’ll know it’s a love that will last forever. I guess if she ever called me a “turkey” that could work too, but in more of a love/hate/angry-sex kind of way, or she will be my grandmother.

Technorati Tags: frisbee death

The “get this camera out of my fucking face” guy didn’t even have the camera in his “fucking face” until he grabbed it and half pointed it there. I think he just wanted the attention, like most old people do every time they see another live human being who is capable of talking so they can strike up inane conversations. I think they do this just to make sure they’re alive and don’t live in some sort of alternate universe where they actually died several years ago without knowing and are now a ghost.

So the old people in this video are absolutely crazy and need to stop it. Does that put me on the side of the camera guy? Absolutely not. An old guy with frail little bird arms grabs his camera and he starts screaming that he’s been assaulted. This action is probably in my top 10 annoyances of all time. “You barely touched me! I can’t believe you! That’s assault and you’re going to jail for years!” It’s like the verbal version of a soccer player taking a dramatic dive when barely touched. Grow a dick, learn how to use it, and realize that life doesn’t have to be a fucking soap opera.

I’m really trying to turn my life around lately and not be so negative with my constant hate of everything and everybody, but goddamn it videos like this make it tough. In my opinion, if someone dropped a bomb on this gym during this confrontation I would probably label it as “the best case scenario”.

I really can’t wait until technology gets to a point where I can clone myself a bunch of times and also create twice as many super hot, mute girls with huge boobs so we can all live on an island together and I can be their king. Someday…

Technorati Tags: assault, camera man, old people

I seriously have never felt more uncomfortable while watching a video in my entire life. I feel like workout commercials used to at least try to be somewhat convincing. Anyone with half a brain should be able to tell that this is bullshit, especially men. I don’t know about you, but I have intense 30 minute solo jack parties at least once a day and I still have the physique of a 13 year old boy. That’s why I know for a fact that 6 minutes of fake jacking off will not turn me into some sort of Men’s Health cover boy.

I also know this thing is complete nonsense because I’ve never seen an in-shape man using a jackhammer. Every summer during road construction times I see a million chubby shirtless men using jackhammers and that seems like more of an intense workout than this goddamn Shake Weight. Also, if this product was true, people who have seizures should be the most fit people in the entire world.

Technorati Tags: bullshit, shake weight

According to Warming Glow, this is a clip from an old PBS show in the 80′s called “Many Voices, Many Visions”. Before I read what this video actually was I just assumed that the “little black boy” was really a boy with naturally curly hair, but it’s actually a girl. I should have realized that it was a girl when the very first insult was “you’re a boy”, but I thought that kid was just stupid and making an observation. If this kid didn’t want to look like a boy, it wouldn’t wear goddamn loose jeans and a baggy polo. It’d also help to blow up some balloons and put them in her shirt where boobs will eventually go.

Sure, some people would call the part where the mom says “it’s not like you’re really black”, completely racist, but I think it’s just good parenting. I can’t tell you how many times I was depressed when I was younger and the only thing that would cheer me up is when my mom came in my room with a popsicle and said “Just think, no matter how bad your life gets, at least you’re not black, so cheer up.” It got me through some really hard times.

This clip is just filled with unbelievability, to me. When I was younger I had extremely curly hair that everyone thought was permed and nobody compared me to a black person. Plus, I actually had black people in my school to be compared too, unlike this show which probably didn’t feature anything but whites. How are kids going to throw out insults about something they don’t even know exists? It’s the sloppy writing that offends me more than anything.

I bet the creators of this show are absolutely shocked these days that white people actually try to look and act black on purpose, instead of doing it accidentally and then getting ridiculed for it. That is, if they’re still alive after they got arrested for hate crimes and survived multiple shanking attempts in the prison yard.

Technorati Tags: future lesbian, perm, racism

Anyways, get ready to feel completely uncomfortable:

Sure, it would be super easy to pick this girl apart and that’s exactly why I’m not going to do it. I’d also feel like making fun of this video would push me over the asshole edge, quickly going from funny and likable to a monster built completely out of assholes. So first, I would like to start out with a compliment. This girl has bigger balls than I would ever dream of having. It took me three internet years to work up enough courage to post pictures of my face on MySpace, and I’m a moderately attractive young stallion. I would never even think about posting a YouTube video of myself, and if I did I sure as hell wouldn’t be singing in it.

While grimacing at watching this video, I started to read some of the comments posted underneath it. I’ve never been one for reading comments on anything because it’s usually filled with ramblings of complete douches arguing with each other. The comments on this video, however, are more cringe-inspiring than the video itself. Sure, you have the usual asshole comments making fun of her, and those are sort of bad, but they’re generic and unoriginal enough to easily brush off. Then you have the comments attempting to be nice, saying “You have such a good singing voice! You go girl!”

I think these so called “nice” comments are actually crueler than the ones calling her a melted candle face. Obviously this girl doesn’t have anywhere close to a good or even moderately listenable singing voice. Building her up with all this fake self confidence will just open her up to twenty times more ridicule down the road. Also, just because someone has a disability it doesn’t automatically make them fucking amazing at everything. If it was an attractive, or even very average looking girl singing like this nobody would be fake nice to her, but since this girl is disfigured all of a sudden she’s the best singer in the world.

In a perfect world nobody would be leaving negative and hateful comments on this video, and nobody would be posting fake nice comments either. Everyone would just take this video for what it is, do a mixture of cringing and chuckling to themselves and then ignore it, just like we should do with disabled people themselves. And yes, I realize the hypocritical nature of talking about this video on my blog.

First of all, this kid is a complete idiot. No self respecting man would openly cry online for everyone to see, except me, but that’s only when I’m masturbating. I find it equally pathetic for any teenager to use the line “you just don’t understand”. There is no scenario that this kid could be in that would make crying in a video chat room a smart, sensible thing to do, unless he’s trying to get sympathy boob pictures from internet women. Even if that was the case, crying isn’t exactly the best way to spark attraction in women, believe me, I’ve tried.

The father, on the other hand, at first blush seems to be a smart, internet savvy guy who I can respect. He really does seem to understand video chat rooms and YouTube, which is kind of a shame. If everyone’s parents were like this I would have no videos to make fun of on my blog, which would be the greatest of American tragedies. I really don’t know whose side I’m on in this video, so I’ll just go right down the middle and side with the keyboard cat. Keyboard cat knows how to mix keeping your self respect with making a hilarious YouTube video. I really think that the keyboard cat should go on a nation wide tour giving parenting advice for the internet age. It’s the only way that I can think of to keep the internet’s value while also keeping our self respect.

Technorati Tags: awesome dad, crying kid, keyboard cat

Hopefully, and most likely this is a complete joke and the guy making this video is as much of a genius as he portrays himself as a creep in this video. It can’t possibly be real, right? Recycled semen? Adult diapers? The only thing that throws me off is the amount of toys and colorful garbage in that room and the horribly grainy video quality. That level of detail alone is enough to make me think this is real. I’ve never been so confused and amused in my whole life.

Technorati Tags: Creep, Recycled Semen

The first thing that caught my attention in this video is the blatant child abuse right at the beginning. If you’re a 600 pound fat factory you should get prison time for laying on children and that should be raised to a life sentence for trying to make one of them grope you. We live in a world where people who like to do a little bit of drugs get thrown in jail, but obese monstrosities get to walk around free.

Sure, you could point to the fact that people who do drugs can endanger lives while driving, but I would make the case that fat people are even more of a driving liability. These people can barely walk, let alone move their tree trunk legs fast enough to push pedals. The reason why this isn’t really one of the big issues in driver safety is because when these sickening monstrosities hit you with all that added weight you’re automatically vaporized so there is absolutely no evidence of it even occurring.

I would also like to call attention to another form of child abuse that takes place in this video. Telling young, impressionable children that “fat is where it’s at”, basically convincing them that an extremely unhealthy lifestyle is best. Also, saying that boys don’t go after fat girls only because their friends will make fun of them is probably the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard. Maybe “immature guys” don’t go after fat girls because they’re physically repulsive. Or maybe it’s because the guy doesn’t want to have to rent a forklift to put them in the back of a pickup truck every time they want to go to Wal-Mart to buy more Little Debbie snack cakes and 24 packs of Diet Coke.

I have an idea. How about you put in a little work and have some fucking self control from the first day you realize “hey, maybe I’m not supposed to get winded from standing up”. If you can manage to do that then you would have the opportunity to bang around as much as you’d like instead of trolling truck stops, bowling alleys and Mexican mail order groom sites.

If you know of a good video that you would like to see me make fun of just send me the link on my contact form.

Technorati Tags: child abuse, fat family

This first video is some kid with boobs that can only be described as “implant-y”. Not only is this funny because he’s fat dancing with his shirt off, but he also seems to be a complete psychopath.

These types of videos make me sort of paranoid because I once read a story about how hackers get into your computer and watch you through your own webcam when it’s not even on. It actually seems pretty reasonable when it comes to why these people feel the need to embarrass themselves in front of the entire planet. It could just be hackers. If that’s the case, I’m sure it won’t be long before you see a five minute montage of all my jerk off faces on YouTube.

I guarantee that this kid will never get laid unless there is some sort of rape involved. Wait, never mind. I think I found this kid’s soul mate:

Sure, there’s an age difference that some may call “illegal”, but I think the courts should really take it easy on these two. Sure it could be considered statutory rape, but in reality neither of these people are likely to find anyone else to sex up for the rest of their lives. Statutory rape shouldn’t really be an issue for disgusting slobs. They should be able to get whatever they can whenever they can because their playing field is pretty grim. That, and because they’re likely to die in a toilet by 35 or hit a bout of depression so bad that they won’t be able to get out of their bedroom unless there’s a wall removed.

Technorati Tags: disappointments, fat slobs, Video

Anyways, enjoy:

I’d typically go off about how these fine, young ladies are terrible singers, but I just can’t bring myself to do that. Maybe it’s because I’m so jealous of their sweet dance moves. This video reminds me of South Park doing a parody of a shitty group of fat slobs who think they’re good singers/dancers, except it’s complete unintentional.

Had these people made themselves uglier, fatter and jiggled around on camera singing like a quail rape bonanza all for comedic purposes they might be geniuses. Instead, they’re really just another thing to fuel my hate for people.

Slut, this is the end.

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Technorati Tags: Video