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Category: Random Videos

Weekend Video Time – Something Different

View Comments June 6, 2009 | JoshPerson

Sure, I guess I could be considered a scumbag for making this, of all videos on the internet, my next target for ridicule. That’s why I’m going to do something a little different. Instead of making fun of everything about the messed up girl in this video I’m going to talk about some of the comments I’ve read on it’s YouTube page.

Anyways, get ready to feel completely uncomfortable:

Sure, it would be super easy to pick this girl apart and that’s exactly why I’m not going to do it. I’d also feel like making fun of this video would push me over the asshole edge, quickly going from funny and likable to a monster built completely out of assholes. So first, I would like to start out with a compliment. This girl has bigger balls than I would ever dream of having. It took me three internet years to work up enough courage to post pictures of my face on MySpace, and I’m a moderately attractive young stallion. I would never even think about posting a YouTube video of myself, and if I did I sure as hell wouldn’t be singing in it.

While grimacing at watching this video, I started to read some of the comments posted underneath it. I’ve never been one for reading comments on anything because it’s usually filled with ramblings of complete douches arguing with each other. The comments on this video, however, are more cringe-inspiring than the video itself. Sure, you have the usual asshole comments making fun of her, and those are sort of bad, but they’re generic and unoriginal enough to easily brush off. Then you have the comments attempting to be nice, saying “You have such a good singing voice! You go girl!”

I think these so called “nice” comments are actually crueler than the ones calling her a melted candle face. Obviously this girl doesn’t have anywhere close to a good or even moderately listenable singing voice. Building her up with all this fake self confidence will just open her up to twenty times more ridicule down the road. Also, just because someone has a disability it doesn’t automatically make them fucking amazing at everything. If it was an attractive, or even very average looking girl singing like this nobody would be fake nice to her, but since this girl is disfigured all of a sudden she’s the best singer in the world.

In a perfect world nobody would be leaving negative and hateful comments on this video, and nobody would be posting fake nice comments either. Everyone would just take this video for what it is, do a mixture of cringing and chuckling to themselves and then ignore it, just like we should do with disabled people themselves. And yes, I realize the hypocritical nature of talking about this video on my blog.

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Weekend Video Time – Crying Kid

View Comments May 16, 2009 | JoshPerson

This weekend it didn’t take me very long at all to find a great video to talk about. This video has it all, a crying teenage boy, a sensible no nonsense dad and a cat playing keyboard. Enjoy:

First of all, this kid is a complete idiot. No self respecting man would openly cry online for everyone to see, except me, but that’s only when I’m masturbating. I find it equally pathetic for any teenager to use the line “you just don’t understand”. There is no scenario that this kid could be in that would make crying in a video chat room a smart, sensible thing to do, unless he’s trying to get sympathy boob pictures from internet women. Even if that was the case, crying isn’t exactly the best way to spark attraction in women, believe me, I’ve tried.

The father, on the other hand, at first blush seems to be a smart, internet savvy guy who I can respect. He really does seem to understand video chat rooms and YouTube, which is kind of a shame. If everyone’s parents were like this I would have no videos to make fun of on my blog, which would be the greatest of American tragedies. I really don’t know whose side I’m on in this video, so I’ll just go right down the middle and side with the keyboard cat. Keyboard cat knows how to mix keeping your self respect with making a hilarious YouTube video. I really think that the keyboard cat should go on a nation wide tour giving parenting advice for the internet age. It’s the only way that I can think of to keep the internet’s value while also keeping our self respect.

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Weekend Video Time – Gigantic Creep

View Comments May 9, 2009 | JoshPerson

Over the years I have interacted with people who have various levels of creepiness. Imagine the creepiest people you’ve ever met, or even seen online and then roll them all up into one gigantic creep. That’s what we have in this video. The video is kind of long so I probably won’t write much about it, plus it’s hilarious enough on its own. Here you go:

Hopefully, and most likely this is a complete joke and the guy making this video is as much of a genius as he portrays himself as a creep in this video. It can’t possibly be real, right? Recycled semen? Adult diapers? The only thing that throws me off is the amount of toys and colorful garbage in that room and the horribly grainy video quality. That level of detail alone is enough to make me think this is real. I’ve never been so confused and amused in my whole life.

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Weekend Video Time – Fat Factory

View Comments May 2, 2009 | JoshPerson

It seems as though these weekend videos are all related as I go on. First it was a bunch of talentless nothings trying to make a music video, then it was disgusting fat disappointments singing and dancing to terrible music, now it’s just a fat family making a little home movie type situation:

The first thing that caught my attention in this video is the blatant child abuse right at the beginning. If you’re a 600 pound fat factory you should get prison time for laying on children and that should be raised to a life sentence for trying to make one of them grope you. We live in a world where people who like to do a little bit of drugs get thrown in jail, but obese monstrosities get to walk around free.

Sure, you could point to the fact that people who do drugs can endanger lives while driving, but I would make the case that fat people are even more of a driving liability. These people can barely walk, let alone move their tree trunk legs fast enough to push pedals. The reason why this isn’t really one of the big issues in driver safety is because when these sickening monstrosities hit you with all that added weight you’re automatically vaporized so there is absolutely no evidence of it even occurring.

I would also like to call attention to another form of child abuse that takes place in this video. Telling young, impressionable children that “fat is where it’s at”, basically convincing them that an extremely unhealthy lifestyle is best. Also, saying that boys don’t go after fat girls only because their friends will make fun of them is probably the most hilarious thing I’ve ever heard. Maybe “immature guys” don’t go after fat girls because they’re physically repulsive. Or maybe it’s because the guy doesn’t want to have to rent a forklift to put them in the back of a pickup truck every time they want to go to Wal-Mart to buy more Little Debbie snack cakes and 24 packs of Diet Coke.

I have an idea. How about you put in a little work and have some fucking self control from the first day you realize “hey, maybe I’m not supposed to get winded from standing up”. If you can manage to do that then you would have the opportunity to bang around as much as you’d like instead of trolling truck stops, bowling alleys and Mexican mail order groom sites.

If you know of a good video that you would like to see me make fun of just send me the link on my contact form.

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