Cops Are Bored/Lame
Saturday night I was just hanging out, doing nothing like the loser that I am, when a good friend of mine from Chicago called. He told me that he was back for the weekend and wanted to hang out in this shitty, small town about 20 miles away from where I live, a shitty, slightly larger town.
We decided that the only thing we could really do is drive around, so we did, well I should say that he did because my car is on the cusp of being undriveable. It was only about 10pm on a Saturday night when we starting cruising around, not really doing much, but the whole town was fucking dead. It was like a ghost town, and me and my friend had to solve a mystery.
Well after cruising around for a little bit, catching up, etc, we decided that it was time to fuck with people, like we always used to. Back in high school, we used to cruise around, start following people, playing weird music while driving by people and asking people for directions to places we were standing in front of. All of a sudden we saw a group of four 16 year old boys walking into Hy-Vee. Perfect. We roll up on them and say “Hey, can you tell us where Fairway is?” To which they replied “Umm, it’s across the street” and pointed to it. There really isn’t any point to us doing this, and it’s not even really that funny, but it’s something to do and sometimes people will give us wrong directions, or are just completely oblivious so that makes it better.
After about another half hour of driving around we see the same kids walking out of Hy-Vee again, so we stopped by them again, this time asking “Hey can you guys go buy us alcohol?” Now, my friend and I are both over 21, and these kids had to be 16, so it was supposed to be funny. They said “Sure, give us $10 extra.” Which wasn’t quite the best rebuttal. Disappointed by their lameness we drove across the street and parked for a little bit, while I was begging for my friend to drive back around so I could ask them if they knew where we could get heroin and guns. It’s a good thing we didn’t, and in a minute you’ll see why.
So those four kids, get into two cars and take off. Being the bored humans that we were, we decided to follow them. We followed them for about 5 minutes before they started going crazy. They hammered on the gas and took off in different directions, one of them doing a U-turn in the middle of the street, we of course decided to follow him. We got turned around and he did another U-turn! WTF? This is the type of stuff that we were hoping for, anything to break the boredom and is slightly entertaining.
Well we are a little ways behind him when he turns the corner, a couple seconds later we fly around the corner only to see our 16 year old buddies, talking to a cop car! Okay, they weren’t exactly talking to the cop car, they were actually just talking to the cops inside the cop car. You don’t have to make fun of my lack of ability to express words. Dick!
So of course we slow down, and hang a right. Then the cop starts following us. The cop had to have been following us for a good 15 minutes before he decided to pull us over, that’s how we roll… Through stop signs apparently, because that was the official reason he pulled us over. He gets out and says “I was looking at your tires and I saw the tread didn’t come to a complete stop at that last stop sign.” Umm, k. First off this town doesn’t even really need stop signs. Secondly, he was riding our tail so bad that there is no way he could see the tread on the tires.
Then the friendly cop asked us about some harassment to some kids and said that we really scared them. Which is really awesome because I didn’t know that I had the capacity to scare people. That’s definitely going on my resume. The cop also questioned us about why we were asking them to buy us beer, he obviously didn’t get the funny either. This is about when I noticed that there was not one, but two cop cars behind us! All of a sudden I felt like we were supposed to have a dead hooker and a kilo of blow in the trunk.
After this nothing really exciting happened, the cop couldn’t do anything to us for talking to people. Plus he took about 20 minutes to actually hand write a warning for the stop sign roll through. A written warning? Really? What are we, 6? You going to write a letter to my mom to? This just goes to show, if you’re going to go start killing hookers or flashing your cock to junior high boys, don’t do it in small towns. The cops are so fucking bored and aren’t doing anything else all 5 of them can come, hunt you down and give you a written warning and a prompt finger wagging.
Category: General Posts
Loading ...
