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Doctor Visit

View Comments February 5, 2008 | JoshPerson

I just got back from the doctors office because I have a slight cold of some sort. I know what you’re thinking, “Josh, how can someone with your level of awesomeness and superhuman ability ever be sick?” Good question. Apparently my sinuses aren’t that superhuman after all, as a matter of fact, they’re pretty fucking horrible. At least twice every single year I get acute sinusitis. When my doctor tells me that I always say, “well at least it’s not an ugly sinusitis lololololol”. Yeah, that’s right, I actually say L-O-L-O-L-O-L, to which the doctor looks at me funny and then prescribes me a helmet.

Anyways, today when I went into the doctors office I only had to sit in the waiting area for like 5 minutes. Usually I have to wait at least 30 minutes and then contemplate telling the receptionist that I am there again, just in case they forgot about me, all the while getting stared down by some 90 year old cyborg of a human with air tubes coming out of his face holes. After the nurse came out and got me, then weighed me I had to go sit in the little doctors office.

The nurse did all of her usual stuff, take my blood pressure, pulse, tell me how handsome I am. Then she checked out my cock and told me that it was “alright” sized, whatever that means. This year I’m trying to do this thing where I make small talk with everyone I’m put in a situation with. I’m trying to break out of my anti-social, hatred for the human race, self. So I chit chatted with the nurse, made some jokes like, etc. Pretty normal-ish stuff. After a couple of minutes the nurse left and then it was just me and a big “Hang in there” kitty calendar.

One thing that I find extremely odd about doctors offices is when the nurse leaves the room, she closes the door. Then when the doctor goes to come in the room to check you out he knocks on the door before opening it. I’m not sure, but I think with his knock on the door he is automatically making that room yours for the time that you’re in there alone. What does he think I’m doing in there? Jerking off with the thing you use to check blood pressure? Strap it around my cock and push the little air-ball thing multiple times so it gets really tight… What the fuck could I possibly be doing in there that he chances interrupting? The next time I go to the doctors office and he knocks on the door I’m going to yell “just a minute, I’m naked.” just to see what he does.

After the doctor diagnosed me I started trying to talk to him about normal things. Again, starting chit-chat with people that I don’t really know in order to make myself seem not so hate filled. This is how the conversation went:

Me: So are you all excited about it being Super Tuesday?

Doctor: Yeah, I’ve been paying attention pretty closely this year.

Me: Me too, actually. So, who do you like?

Doctor: Haha, I’m not really at liberty to say.

Me: Really? Why not?

Doctor: Well because I’m a doctor and we can’t really talk about stuff like that.

Me: Doctors can’t have opinions?

Doctor: No, doctors can have opinions, it’s just that we cant always reveal what they are.

Me: What’s you’re favorite ice cream flavor?

Doctor: Mint Chocolate Chip.

Me: So you can tell me your opinion about ice cream, but not politics?

Doctor: If a lot of people found out who I was supporting then they might not agree with me and go to someone else.

Me: Oh, well I’m a big anti-chocolate chip nazi so I think this will be the last time you see me.

Doctor: Haha, well that’s understandable. Here is your prescription…

I found this whole interaction really weird, not to mention awkward. To be honest the thing that shocked me the most was my willingness to keep pushing the issue. I’m usually the “just stare at the ground and hope for it to be over” type when interacting with other humans. The guy was Indian (taxi driver type, not casino type) though, and those guys are usually pretty cool when they’re not a suspect of some sort. Oh, and just because he is a minority I’m going to guess he is supporting Obama. Does that my me a stereotyper or does that make me a fucking genius? You be the judge.

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Category: General Posts

  • Rebeca

    How about stereotyping genius?

    Yes, it’s difficult to talk to people. It’s worse when it’s small talk. However, from that conversation you shared, we can deduce that your doctor isn’t into small talk either. Maybe you should’ve told him your secret.

    Oh, and talking about secrets, I’d let you in on something I learned while hanging out at the hospital:

    At the ER, we have to knock the door because you are paying for it, so they train us to think of that room (see: any hospital room) in which your sick/dying body is lying in as your private hotel room, or a room you are renting, or whatever you want to call it. And, to enter any of those places, people have to knock. So, we do. (Otherwise, you might sue us or choose to die elsewhere.)

    As far as giving your opinion goes, that’s up to each person (doctor, nurse, clown). However, it’s wise not to give your opinion on matters that tend to be controversial because people can be peculiar about certain things. They don’t always care about good service but whether you are anti-abortion or not or whether you believe in God or not. You never know when you are going to meet those people, so it’s best to keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, your doctor could’ve said, “Smartass” instead of “That’s understandable.”

  • Rebeca

    How about stereotyping genius?

    Yes, it’s difficult to talk to people. It’s worse when it’s small talk. However, from that conversation you shared, we can deduce that your doctor isn’t into small talk either. Maybe you should’ve told him your secret.

    Oh, and talking about secrets, I’d let you in on something I learned while hanging out at the hospital:

    At the ER, we have to knock the door because you are paying for it, so they train us to think of that room (see: any hospital room) in which your sick/dying body is lying in as your private hotel room, or a room you are renting, or whatever you want to call it. And, to enter any of those places, people have to knock. So, we do. (Otherwise, you might sue us or choose to die elsewhere.)

    As far as giving your opinion goes, that’s up to each person (doctor, nurse, clown). However, it’s wise not to give your opinion on matters that tend to be controversial because people can be peculiar about certain things. They don’t always care about good service but whether you are anti-abortion or not or whether you believe in God or not. You never know when you are going to meet those people, so it’s best to keep your mouth shut. Otherwise, your doctor could’ve said, “Smartass” instead of “That’s understandable.”

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