Getting Weird at Wal-Mart

It’s really no secret that Wal-Mart is the worst place in the world for everything besides great deals on cheap shit and making fun of people. I’ve accepted these facts and my deep hatred for the place, but I can’t help but go there at least once a week. It’s really the only place that I feel like I could take everybody in the building in a fight and am also the hottest guy. I’m pretty sure I could be the king of that goddamn place if I applied myself. My last trip to Wal-Mart, however, has made me hate the place even more, but for completely different reasons.

The trip started off as it always does by me grabbing the worst goddamn cart on the planet. I don’t know if there was something stuck on the wheel or what, but it kept making this bang and shake noise. It had to be the loudest cart ever, but luckily the sound of human disappointment was enough to drown it out.

I immediately headed straight to the electronics section, like I always do. Whenever I go to Wal-Mart I get so worked up and ready to fight people with tears in my eyes that I need some sort of geeky electronics therapy just to calm me down. I just spend hours staring at TVs, external hard drives and video games. Sure, their electronics are always of the cheap, shitty kind, but they still have the ability to sooth my soul with the promise that I may actually be able to afford them at some point in my life.

After that I decided to go about my usual shopping. That’s when I saw a pretty hot chick walking around. I think this was only the second attractive girl I’ve seen in a Wal-Mart, with the first being a cashier. I immediately started wondering how I was going to make my moves when out of nowhere I see another hot lady. I didn’t know which one to creepily follow around the store for hours trying to get jackable ass pics from. Then in the distance I saw what I thought was the hottest of the three, but what I didn’t immediately remember is that distance can sometimes be a bitch.

The closer I got to this girl the more I got disappointed. Don’t get me wrong, she was very attractive, but she had the classic bitch face. You could just tell by looking at her that she was a complete bitch to anyone she’s ever talked to. The rest of the time I was in there I kept my eyes open for the previously mentioned hot chicks, but they were gone. All I found from that point on was an extremely tall, stoic looking gay guy who looked like he could probably kill me by open hand slapping me to death.

The entire trip was disappointing, which is typical for a Wal-Mart trip, but it was for completely different reasons. I didn’t even get to see the usual things that make me laugh, like people wearing dirty sweatpants or grown adults with permanent Kool-Aid mustaches. The place is like a goddamn freak show, that’s why they always sell carnival popcorn in the back and it’s kind of pointless when the freaks don’t even show up.

Make sure to come back Monday for a new blog post about the show Lost. Will I admit that I like it or just tear it apart? Also, soon some very exciting news about a new blog I’m starting!

Tags: Disappointment, freak show, wal-mart

Category: General Posts