Horoscope Interpretation (08/20/2007)
Welcome back to another installment of “Horoscope Interpretation” with your host, Josh. Today we are going to look at a daily horoscope, but not just any horoscope. Today I decided to delve into a little thing I like to call the “love horoscope”. This should be good. Also, if I have a lot of typos in this post it’s because I don’t spell check and because I’ve had a severe case of hiccups off and on for the last 4 fucking hours. I’m about ready to make myself a head amputee if this doesn’t stop soon.
Your passions are running deep today, so whatever is in your heart is getting your full attention. That could be your latest crush or your stamp collection, but you won’t have time for anything else. – From Yahoo! Astrology
My passions are running deep today, blah blah blah. Come on Horoscope, you act like you don’t even know me anymore. Remember when I was young and I used to read you every day? You used to be right! And even when you weren’t I would try to act my life out through what you said, as to not make you disappointed in yourself for being wrong. But I am growing weary of your old tricks Horoscope.
If you knew anything about me you’d know that I have no passions. Wait, I take that back. Internet porn and videogames are my passions, that and staying inside in darkness. Well you are deathly wrong horoscope, there are no new entertaining internet porn vids, and my Xbox just re-broke. Apparently my ‘hearts full attention’ makes things go horribly wrong, which comforts me.
The next line makes me giggle like a little school girl. My latest crush? What am I? 12? I think that’s the last time I actually used the word “crush”. Unless I’m telling my opponent in the underground street fighting championship “I’m going to crush you”. Which I did by the way, he didn’t stand a chance.
Also, I’m supposed to be focusing my full attention on my stamp collection? Okay, so I’m either a 12 year old school girl using the word ‘crush’ or I’m an 85 year old man, who ends up pawning his stamp collection so he can afford Viagra only to shred every last bit of dignity he has left. Way to bring joy into the world horoscope. Your soul has darkened, horoscope, and it sickens me.
A short horoscope = a short interpretation. So I’m going to use this time to remind you 5 people who read this blog to send in your “Ask Josh” questions for this week! Just click the “Ask Josh” link at the top of the page and follow directions like a human. So far I have received 0 this week.
PS: Thanks to the not-so-lady-like lady friend of mine Corrie, who told me to drink water through a paper towel to cure my hiccups. Not only did it work like a charm, but it also gave me a completely wet t-shirt! I think she just wanted to see my award winning man chest better via webcam. I don’t blame her.
Category: Horoscope Interpretation
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