Horoscope Interpretation – Sexy Encounter

Love is in the air here at AbsurdlyAwesome.com and what better way to show it than by interpreting a little love horoscope? I’ve never felt more like a woman in my entire life than when I added multiple horoscopes to my iGoogle page just to give you people something to read once in a while. Be grateful that I made this sacrifice for you because if a girl ever sees my iGoogle page I will now have virtually no shot at banging her.

Right out of the gate I’m confused as fuck. Apparently I have a fat amount of “lusty energy” going on at the moment, which I think my internet history will show is an ongoing ordeal. The part that confuses me, though, is that this “sexy encounter” was supposed to happen on Tuesday or Wednesday… It just so happens to be Thursday and I’m sexy encounterless. Perhaps if I knew about this earlier I could force a sexy encounter. I don’t want to call it rape so how about we refer to it as “aggressive sexiness”? Either way, I’m a bit to late for this one and with the dry spell that I’m currently on I will forever be bitter about this horoscope’s delayed insight into my sex life.

This whole thing really made me think, because maybe I did have a sexy encounter and just never realized it.  The only thing that could be considered a sexy encounter is probably when I made a roast beef sandwich. I stared longingly at the sandwich as the roast beef slices blew in the wind. Its nice, big bread-sts caressed my lips until I finally let its entire goodness deep inside me. I don’t know exactly where the sandwich went, but I hope it calls me again soon for another erotic adventure. If you’re reading this, sandwich, I don’t know what I did wrong, but next time I promise that I will pay more attention to your needs.

Then I find out that Friday’s full moon prompts me to speak my mind about the future of my relationship or career. Wait a minute… My career? Am I supposed to be having a love affair with my job? I guess it does kind of fall in line with my past girlfriends, for a few reasons:

I think that I need it, but it’s really just holding me back.

My job is a complete bitch.

I guess I never realized how similar those two actually are. Maybe I should quit my current job and start working for Arby’s so I have a better chance at reuniting with my latest love, but only if my next horoscope tells me to.

Category: Horoscope Interpretation