I Want To Be Haunted
For a while now I’ve really been into the whole ghostly scene. I think it started one weekend when I wanted to watch something different and possibly scary, so I downloaded the entire first season of Ghost Hunters. Apparently I’m a sucker for stupid TV shows. I don’t even believe in ghosts, but for some reason when I watch ghost shows I believe in them fully. I also believe in them when I’m trying to fall asleep as I cling to my body pillow and have my skeleton jump out of my eye sockets every time I hear a noise coming from outside my locked bedroom door, all after watching a 12 hour Ghost Hunters marathon.
Even though I don’t believe in ghosts, it doesn’t stop me from completely enjoying everything about them. It’s a tricky situation to be in, really. I’m not a true believer, but I want the first house I ever buy to be haunted. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want my house to be haunted so I can research the paranormal or because I get excited by fear. I want my house to be haunted so the ghost and I can become buddies and play tricks on/scare the shit out of friends, family and strange girls that I’m trying to rub around on.
I also have these grand images of teaching my friendly ghost buddy how to type stuff on a laptop so he can communicate without the creepy, whispery voice nonsense. That’s right, I said the ghost friend in my head is a guy. Does that make me gay? I’d only want a lady ghost pal if she had a thing for doing loving stuff to my man parts, but with my luck I’ll get stuck with some 75-year-old bitch ghost who’ll hit me with a cane every time she catches me on the computer in mid-jerk.
Let me get back to the “teaching a ghost how to use a laptop” part, because I want you to take me seriously. From every show and movie I’ve seen, ghosts are able to manipulate physical objects, sometimes even on command. That’s the thing that pisses me off about shows like Ghost Hunters to the point where they’re almost unbelievable. If a ghost can move stuff around, whip out your goddamn laptop and say “hey idiot ghost, press some buttons and say something to us. Certainly if you can throw a lamp across the room you can put pressure on some extremely sensitive buttons.”
I want to make this perfectly clear because I don’t want to confuse any of you. I do not believe in ghosts, except for when I’m watching TV shows, movies, or when I just want to believe in them. I don’t know a better way to explain it without doing research on various forms of retardation. Go ahead, call me an idiot and tell me I have the brain of a child, I don’t care. I don’t need you anyway. I’ll have ghost friends one day, just you wait and see! Bitch!
Anyways, I want to know what you, the friendly reader, thinks about the whole ghost scene. Do you believe in them or think they’re for the fucking birds? Had a ghostly run-in? Know a place in your town that’s supposedly haunted? Post your paranormal stories in the comments.
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Bonus Video! Chick dresses up/acts like a ghost and scares the shit out of people! Probably fake, but I still laughed.
Category: General Posts
