Inbox Cancer
Since I run a very popular internet blog site I am constantly being bombarded by emails from fans. What could be better than countless (4) emails from people professing their love for my awesomeness? Yeah, that would be awesome if that was the case. Instead I get emails that just solidify the notion that people are complete fucking idiots. In this post I’d like to showcase the nonstop parade of stupidity that cluster fucks my inbox and hopefully deter future cases of inbox cancer.
Why is your penis so big? Is it because you are always fucking relationships?
This first email was sent via my handy dandy “Ask Josh” form. First of all, I’ve never claimed to have a big penis, so I’m glad it’s just assumed. The second question actually made me laugh because it makes no sense whatsoever. I’m always fucking relationships? If you meant “always fucking up relationships” then at least that question, by itself, would makes sense since women always get in disagreements with their husbands about me. The disagreement is over whether or not the woman should fuck me.
-If you had one wish concerning eggplants, what would it be?
-How many controversies would it take to implode your mind?
-What are some comments you should avoid voicing toward a group of rabid paleontologists?
I appreciate you trying to wring the funny out of me, but as you can see I really need no help. This type of stuff happens all the time. People read my blog, get inspired, and then try to prove to me how funny they are so I think they’re on a level of awesomeness somewhere around me. What did you really expect by sending me this email? Did you think I’d play along and go, “Woah-ho if I had one wish concerning eggplants it’d be that they’d all wear little top hats and fake mustaches and speak eggplant French to each other.”? I’d like to have sex with an eggplant. That has nothing to do with your email. I just would.
Heyo!!! So Josh, i wanted to ask your opinions on ‘Smokin the reefer’. I can’t claim to have read your entiere blog. So if its an already covered topic, i cant say i give a shit, OPINION ME!
I don’t really have a whole lot to say about this one except, “wow, what a fucking idiot”. This guy is hardly a spokesperson for the decriminalization of weed. He’s actually the exact reason why people want to keep it illegal and if, in fact, everyone who smokes weed is like this guy it should be a crime punishable by death. Maybe he was trying to direct me towards a “weed gives you the munchies joke”. If that’s the case, then double kill yourself.
Cool blog.
Thought this video was right up your alley:
Keep up the good work!
Seriously, watch that fucking video. My personal humor blog is right on par with a guy belching Christmas carols? You sir, are banned from reading my website. Fuck, you should be banned from being able to breathe. I don’t claim to do groundbreaking, intellectual or even good humor here, but to compare me with a burp musician is way out of fucking line. I’ve actually never been more insulted in my life. Because of this guy’s email I’m probably never going to post another blog. I’m also probably going to take a bath with my toaster while wearing bunny ears. I figure the shocks from the toaster would make my face twitch, so coupled with the bunny ears it’d make one hell of a YouTube video. I’d call it “Electro-Bunny” and it’d automatically get 25 thousand times more hits than this piece of shit belch video. Look at me be “Mr. Comedy Snob” after making an eggplant sex joke. I hate myself.
Category: General Posts
Loading ...
