Movies Ruin Lives

When motion pictures were invented they were meant to create entertainment and spread joy, or at least I would imagine. I guess they could have been invented to record the torture of brown people or kittens or something equally as evil. Well, the latter may as well be true, because movies have relentlessly tormented my soul and my secrets since I was a child.

Don’t get me wrong, I love cinema, just in a more private manner than most, and I’m not talking about the types of movies I take my pants down and cover my room in plastic sheeting for. First of all, I will not go to the theater to see movies in the action or comedy genres. These are the two genres that attract the idiots most likely to yell during the movie and then either make fun of me or try to fight me afterward. It’s really just too much of a hassle to block out all the crowd noise during these films and then hide under my seat on the unnecessarily sticky floor after it.

As far as watching films at home with another human goes, it suddenly turns awkward in no place else except my mind. You see, I must have retard ears or something because I’m a complete volume freak show. During any given movie I will adjust the volume at least 500 times all the while hoping the people I watch the movie with either aren’t noticing or are not going to bring it up afterward to embarrass me. I’m fragile.

Sure, you could make a case for these problems being with my own neurosis and not with movies in general, and to that I say “The Truman Show”. I can’t be the only one whose life was ruined by this piece of shit movie. This movie has terrified me from the moment I saw it and continues to do so every single day. I can’t help but think that there are hidden cameras all over my apartment and people are watching/judging me on a constant basis. It’s really a struggle for me because sometimes I like to walk around punching and kicking the air and I watch some adult movies that some may deem “weird” or “illegal”. So every time The Truman Show thought kicks in after I do something ridiculous I just giggle and say out loud “Ha, I’m just joking, I know you’re watching everything, it’s cool.”

At first it was kind of cool, entertaining millions of these voyeurs, but I think it’s starting to wear on me. I need my alone time, goddamn it! I’m tired of making myself laugh with a silly thought in my head, and then having to express that though out loud so everyone knows that I find someone going to a glory hole and sticking a fake dick through the hole instead of a real one, funny. Then I have to explain how my brain came up with that so they don’t all think I’m insane or something. I’m not insane, right?

Sure this may seem “crazy” or “completely fake” to some people, but most people still believe in Christianity and that seems a shade crazier than this. At least in my completely insanity filled mind and world the home viewer can’t hear all of my thoughts and then send me to a made up Mario level-like fire world because of them.

Blog posts are going to continue to be sporadic for a little bit as I’m on sort of a summer blog break. If you want more then send in some Ask Josh questions and/or dreams for Dream Interpretations… Or send me money.

Tags: insanity, movies, religion, The Truman Show

Category: General Posts