News Thing – Panty Thief

In my quest to bring hard hitting news that everyone needs to know about, I bring you this lovely story. Stay informed, people. You can’t expect to change the world if you don’t know what’s going on in it.

Here’s the story:

Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor’s clothesline. The man was charged with theft and illegal appropriation. Police said Wednesday that he returned all $1,000 worth of underwear to the woman.

They said he stole the items from his 29-year-old neighbor over a period of several months in the rural town of Orocovis. She apparently had to keep buying more to replace those that vanished from her line.

He was jailed Tuesday pending a $20,000 bond.

This story has a higher level of hilarious unbelievability than any other news story I’ve ever read. I’ve read news stories about stupid rednecks getting abducted by aliens that were more logical than this.

First of all, I’ve never heard underwear referred to as “pieces” before unless they were torn to shreds by an over-excited me. That’s a whole new level of pervert when you need 88 pieces of panties just to get off. It makes me wonder what this creep’s cut-off is. What number does he have to get to before he says “welp, this should do it”? Besides, they were hanging on a laundry line so it’s not like they’re freshly scented by woman unless they got wet some other way, besides washing, but I can’t even comprehend a scenario where that would happen unless the girl was extremely careless with her beverages.

I actually think that the woman is partly, if not mostly, responsible for this ridiculousness. How the hell is she going to allow 88 of anything be stolen over several months? I had a Netflix movie stolen out of my mailbox once when I was attempting to send it back and I immediately started taking them to those giant blue drop boxes around town.

Plus, what is she doing hanging up panties outside? With that $1,000 panty investment she could have bought a fucking dryer like a normal human. I mean, she’s from Puerto Rico and I imagine any place outside of America people live in dirt huts, but if you have a $1,000 panty budget I’m not going to have any sympathy for you. Plus you could have just gone without panties if you wanted to be a real sweetheart. Look at TMZ once in a while, everyone is sans panties these days. It’s really the only respectable way to make a living and a name for yourself all at once.

Technorati Tags: idiots, Panty Thief, wtf



2 Responses to “News Thing – Panty Thief”

1. bbrian017 says:

   June 19, 2009 at 9:19 am

   This is so funny! I think you have good point regarding the lady allowing 88 pairs of underwear to be stolen before doing anything. I mean why she didn’t catch on after like 5 pairs max is a mystery to me.

   It’s obvious the guy isn’t a pervert he just has some mental issue to deal with. Perhaps he liked to wear her underwear… perhaps he’s a cross dresser omg…

   The things some people do huh?

   Reply
2. Sarah says:

   June 19, 2009 at 9:21 am

   Hilarious this might be, but I do hang my clothes on the clothes line outdoor and let the sun dry it up. Of course, that is because sun is aplenty over here and dryer is not a norm here. This man is a pervert!

   Reply