News Thing – Swearing Pain Away
A new study has just been completed that will probably change the world as we know it. Never before has there been such a worthwhile experiment to open our minds and tell each and every one of us something we don’t already know and haven’t even thought of.
Here’s the story from LiveScience:
That muttered curse word that reflexively comes out when you stub your toe could actually make it easier to bear the throbbing pain, a new study suggests.
The researchers enlisted 64 undergraduate volunteers and had them submerge their hand in a tub of ice water for as long as possible while repeating a swear word of their choice. The experiment was then repeated with the volunteer repeating a more common word that they would use to describe a table.
Contrary to what the researcher expected, the volunteers kept their hands submerged longer while repeating the swear word.
You’re kidding me, right? You mean swearing increases pain tolerance? Never have I heard such a thing! Every time I injure myself by, let’s say, walking face first into a door at night, I always scream out something like “sweater vest!” Man, maybe I should spend more money on swear word dictionaries rather than night lights and Advil.
I’m just in a state of disbelief right now. I mean, there’s no possible way that swearing increases pain tolerance. If it did, what would be next? Swearing yourself alive from being dead? Who needs pain medication for serious ailments when we can just create a self induced case of Tourette’s? What does this mean for our beloved pharmaceutical companies now? Probably a bail out, I would imagine.
Alright, enough of this charade. I have some pain that I need to tame, myself. The type of pain that can only be brought on by a stupid fucking article that tells nobody anything new at all. Is this all it takes to become a “scientific author” these days? Because I’m looking for paid writing gigs constantly and I have a scientific article about how sitting on a couch is more comfortable than sitting on a porcupine that would blow your mind.
Category: News Thing
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