Not So Swift Stop

For as long as I can remember I’ve always had “run ins” at convenience stores. I don’t know what it is about them, but they always seem to harbor the most odd and awkward situation imaginable. I have actually been amazed at how long it’s been since I’ve had an extremely awkward and just plain weird convenience store encounter. Well, a couple of weekends ago I went to a little place called “Swift Stop” to get a fruity frosty type thing at about 9pm, and “it” happened.

The first thing that seemed a little off about this particular situation was how quiet the whole place was. There were a handful of people present and nobody was saying a word. I swear, the cashier had to have been checking people out in mime fashion. My friend and I actually felt like we had to whisper because of the weirdness. So I got my drink and headed back to the line, where in front of me was some guy paying for gas, and behind him was a skinny girl.

First off, I think the guy paying for gas was on drugs. He said he put $30 worth of gas in his car, and he needed to pay for it. The cashier, however, didn’t show any pumps having $30 on it. These two disappointments went on for about 5 minutes trying to figure out what the fuck was going on.

Guy: I had $30 in gas.

Cashier: What pump?

Guy: I don’t know.

Cashier: I don’t show $30. I show one pump with $17

Guy: What? I put in 30.

Cashier: Did you already pay it with your debit card at the pump?

Guy: Umm. No.

…

…

Cashier: I only show a 17, and that’s probably someone else’s that’s out there, but you can just pay that.

Guy: But I put in 30.

Cashier: Yeah, but I only show a 17.

Guy: I know I put in 30.

I swear to fuck, I about double-punched them in the face, slammed the money for my slushy on the counter, raped the skinny girl in the anal, and stormed out. Oh, and they never did figure out the gas situation, so the guy paid a random amount of money for fake gas and then left. Then the skinny chick purchased only a Black & Mild cigar, which made no sense to me at first, but then I realized she must have a black boyfriend. Which is also extremely weird because I thought they only went for fat broads.

I should probably mention that throughout the entire standing-in-line situation there was a guy walking from the paper rack, to the back of the line every 30 seconds. He’d pick up a paper he wanted to purchase, get in line, then walk back over and pick up a different paper. This fucking guy walked back and forth no less than 12 times total. It was just creepy. Still though, everyone was really calm and quiet, but for some reason I was about 95% sure I was going to get shot. Any other time if a guy walked in with a ski mask and yelled “I’m going to shoot this fucking place up!” I wouldn’t even blink. But for some reason, the complete silence and weirdness got to me. Maybe it’s because everybody else must think that this whole situation was normal, like I was in some parallel universe where awkwardness is the norm, and that scared the shit out of me.

Maybe that feeling that I was going to get shot was caused by the next guy who walked in. He was a Jamacian gentleman, who was mumbling to himself. As he was standing in line behind me, some crazy bitch walked in and started giving the Jamacian guy a hard time. Really weird, Jamacian fight. I felt like I was in Cool Runnings or something. When the lady left, the guy just kept saying things like “fucking crazy bitch, mon”. I felt kind of bad for the guy actually, because I’m pretty sure that lady had a cock and if she did, she probably knew how to use it. I felt like bonding with the guy, because I’ve had my fair share of crazy bitch situations as well. I turned to him and said “Aww, Jamakes, it’ll be alright buddy. Do you want to be friends?”… I’m just kidding, I make a point to never talk to blacks strangers.

Luckily I got out of that place alive, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t sprint to the closest door with my arms flailing over my head after I paid. It’s a shame the convenience store trip took so long, because my friend and I had big plans that night. We were actually on our way to the Wal-Mart parking lot to sit and make fun of all the people who shop there. So I pretty much just spent the night making fun of fat white people, lonely high school kids, and Mexicans.

Tags: Awkwardness, Convenience Store, Swift Stop

Category: General Posts