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Overall Ridiculousness

Posted by Josh in General Posts on October 15, 2009 | 2 Comments

With this being only my second trip to Las Vegas, I was again taken aback by the sheer volume of creeps and idiots. The tourist population has to break down to somewhere around 50% creeps and idiots, 45% wanna-be hotshot douche bags and about 5% of us normals. Well, since I’m a huge magnet for run-ins with people who annoy me it’s no surprise that I have a few stories to tell.

One of the first situations I found myself in, where I giggled like a female child at a person’s stupidity, was in a food court in the MGM Grand. I was sitting there by myself in a booth eating some delicious McDonald’s breakfast when a bitch faced woman walks up to her husband and says “Ugh! The service at this place is absolutely terrible! I can’t believe it!” Complaining about the service at a food court McDonald’s in Las Vegas has to be one of the most idiotic things I’ve ever heard. I was just happy that I wasn’t stabbed or pick-pocketed while standing in line. As far as the food goes, you should be smart enough to recognize the persuasion of the employees and order something you know that they can understand. That’s why I ordered nothing but breakfast burritos every goddamn day I was there.

Even though I was only in Las Vegas for a short while I sort of developed a routine there. I’d wake up and get McDonald’s every morning and then I’d go the entire day without eating or drinking hardly anything, before ordering room service every night. Add that to the fact that I pretty much sat hunched over a poker table all day and you’ve got one hell of an unhealthy lifestyle.

The main thing I ordered from room service was probably my favorite food in the world, which are quesadillas. Much to my dismay, the MGM Grand team completely stole my idea for a food item/sex toy, which I named “Quesadildos”.

Sure, I never did “copyright” them, but I’m sure there’s a Twitter update of my invention that was dated many months ago, so the MGM Grand will be sued for millions.

My room service situation was actually quite outstanding for the first few nights, but then “it” happened. The last night I ordered room service my food was brought to me by a man, which is always disappointing because I always dream of having a room service lady who’s taken by my manliness and offers me free “dessert”. Instead, I get some serial killer looking creep who completely overstayed his welcome.

At first it started out harmless enough, just asking me if I was there for work or fun and what kind of gambling I enjoy, but then it took a hard left into creepy town. He started telling me these long winded stories about how some billionaire came in and made $20 million off of the casino in one night. I acted like it was no big deal, just to try to get him the fuck out of my business. Just the way that he talked seemed like he was an overly friendly serial killer trying to knock me unconscious with boredom so he could rape and murder me, probably using the quesadildos to heighten his sexual excitement.

Then, he started talking about how I should go to the Playboy Club because the women there are super hot and have gigantic boobies. At first it creeped me the fuck out, but then I was sort of relieved that he was talking about women. He could have just as easily told me to check out “The Thunder Down Under” and then offered to give me a handy underneath my room service table cloth. He stayed about 10 minutes talking at me before I just completely shut down and stared at my food, ignoring him completely. I even tried to give him the tip early in the conversation, hoping he’d just take the money and run, but no such luck. His loneliness far outweighed his need for extremely mediocre tips, apparently.

All in all it was an extremely fun trip, but has now sent me on a personal mission to figure out a way to have that be my every day life. It was nice waking up whenever I wanted and have the only thought in my mind be “hmm, what poker tournament am I going to play today?” only to come back to my room later and eat kick ass room service food and dick around on my laptop. I guess the only bad thing about the trip was how much more unbearable my extremely boring and mindless job now seems.