Overly Friendly Creep

I just want to start out by saying “fuck cars”. I have had nothing but problems with my car lately and it feels like at any moment it’s just going to fall apart while I’m driving it. It’s not the funnest thing in the world to be clenching your ass cheeks in terror every second you’re behind the wheel.

Anyways, today I was getting one of my smaller car problems fixed at the Ford Quick Lane when I came across a situation. In the waiting area they have multiple seats, free soda, cookies, bottled water and coffee. It’s really a nice place. After about 5 minutes of waiting this character walks in, maybe the best character in the history of characters. It’s the over friendly, creepy guy! Oh joy!

Right when I see this guy walk around the corner I can tell he’s a fucking disaster. For a super secret picture of this guy click here. Yes, that’s a purple Vikings coat, he was also wearing maroon sweatpants, snow boots and big furry gloves. As soon as he sees another human he opens his mouth and starts talking. What is he talking about, you may be asking yourself? This is what he started off with:

Did you have a good christmas? I had a good christmas. Did you get some good presents? I got the best present, money haha. I got like $1157. Man, this is some expensive coffee. It’s free but just wait till you get your bill.

He’s rambling to some guy with a beard who hasn’t said a word to him. The bearded fellow stands up and walks away. So the overly friendly creepy guy sits right beside this lady. There are 20 seats open and he sits directly right beside her, breaking all human contact laws. Then he starts talking about his $5 at Walmart facemask that is apparently his favorite, because he can’t “afford to lose it” and because he’s able to “wear his glasses underneath it because it’s open across the eyes”. What a fucking weirdo.

Through this whole ordeal I’ve never been so annoyed and entertained in my whole life. I would have probably sliced wrists right there if he was talking directly too me but he never did. He actually seemed to shy away from me, probably because of my rough and tumble intimidating manliness. He was talking to other people and I just could stop myself from eavesdropping. It was so disastrously magnificent!

Finally the worker comes in and tells him his car is ready. Thank god too because the two other people in there started to get up to walk out and I was the only one left sitting there with him. So the guy gets up and walks to the corner but doesn’t so much go around it, as he does straight into it. This guy walks right into the fucking wall, and falls the fuck down. It may have been the single funniest thing I have ever seen. The two other people that were there gasp and try to help him while I stay seated and laugh out loud.

So the guy finally leaves and he’s out of my life forever, or so I think. Twenty minutes later my car is done, I pay and go to drive my car out of the garage. Right as I pull out of the garage I end up right behind the creepy guy who just pulled out of the car wash. The creepy guy is pretty much idling through the car lot with his blinker on, but he’s not turning. Not only that but I’m fucking pissed! This creepy, weird, disappointment to his parents is driving a brand new Toyota car! WTF?!

After all the complainings that I’ve had with my car over the past year and not being able to afford a new one, I see this fucking guy with a brand new car? That just goes to show that there is a God, and he’s either a gigantic smart ass or he just flat out hates me.  I’m leaning towards the latter.

Tags: Cars, Creep

Category: General Posts