Advice Time – Dating With Kids

The advice question I got sent in this week is about the length of one of my regular blog posts, but not nearly as entertaining. To make it easier for you, I’ll embolden all the pertinent information so you don’t have to sift through this river of madness, like I did. You should thank me.

I’m twenty seven years old. I’ve been divorced for going on two years. I was married for eight years, and have four children. First, I’m not mormon…. although I did live in Utah several different times in my life. I look at men, women, dating and life a lot different then most people. I was rasied by a single father and I usually can spot an asshole a mile away because of this. My father taught me to be strong and indepenent , so you can only imagine how pissed he was when I married a rich man for money as opposed to love. I paid for it all in the end. In the past year without any help from my husband, I bought my own home, got an amazing job promotion etc. I take care of my family on my own. He hardly has seen his children in the past two years. So, I’m not a needy person, nor am I an annoying “welfare mom&qu ot;. I’m indepenent and take care of my own household. Well, after two years of not really trying to date, I just said fuck it. I’ve been seeing a few people here and there. I got really close to one and things seemed to be going ok untill we had a talk last night. He said that he thinks I’m great, amazing even. He told me I’m the most awesome girl to talk to, we have soo much in common, sex is beyond fantastic… BUT he feels he needs to be honest with me and at this point, he doesn’t seem himself getting past the facr that I have four children. I feel crushed… I liked the guy, didn’t really have feelings for him. But I did enjoy my time with him. He gives me the impression that he still wants to see me, seeing as he did tell me to call him. I’m pissed off though. I can’t even say I didn’t see this coming because to be honest, I don’t even get this close to most guys because my kids stop it before it starts. So Josh, my question… well…. the area I need advice in is this… Do I just give up on dating untill my kids are grown? So we’re talking my 40′s? Do I accept being alone? Have random sex with random people? Stop caring? Suicide maybe? Thanks in advance!

As you can see, 90% of this email was not needed. It also made me forget to unclick the “bold” button after altering it, which pisses me off more than it probably should. I realize I could have unclicked it at any moment now, but I feel like if I did that she would win. So out of spite this whole blog post will be in bold. Plus, I don’t know how much advice I could give her so the emboldened nature of this post will make it look like I wrote more than I actually did, sort of like how I used to reach the two page minimum on reports for school. I’m the reason teachers across the world had to start saying “2 pages, double spaced, 12 point Times New Roman font, no bold”.

I guess the first thing I would point out is that some guys just don’t like kids. The reason these people still date you is because they know you’re “easy pickins”, so to speak. If you only had one kid then I could understand a guy eventually getting to a point where he says “Gee, I don’t know if I can deal with this”. But, you have four goddamn kids so they should know exactly what kind of hell on earth they’re getting themselves into. This guy definitely went in with the intention of not sticking around.

He even played it perfectly, basically saying “we can still get together to partake in sexual relations, but I, in no way, want anything to do with your baby collection”. This guy saw your four kids, saw that there’s no “baby daddy” around and immediately thought “this girl is easy to trick”. You could fix this problem by not being so loose (LOL!) and gullible. Finding a partner you click with is tough, but finding one you click with who is also completely alright with a filled school bus worth of kids will be a million times more difficult.

Come to think of it, I can’t imagine a type of guy who would be 100% alright with four kids, except maybe a 40-something, sterile, Mormon man. There’s nothing a man wants less than to spend the night at a girl’s house only to wake up and spend the next 14 hours of his day helping the kids get ready for school. You’re not even in the position to say “this is nonsense, guys are such assholes”. If you were single and had no kids at all, would you long-term date a guy who fills a mini-van to full capacity with kids? Probably not.

My advice is to date older, rich men. Older men are more likely to deal with kids if they’re sexing a younger chick regularly. Plus, if he’s super rich he can just pay a team of maids to deal with your kids in the guest house so he’ll never have to deal with them. Either that or go for the sterile Mormon that I mentioned earlier. Also, when you introduce a man to your kids for the first time say something along the lines of “These are my kids, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday. Will you help me plan out the rest of my week?”

Need advice for some situation that’s happening in your life? Send in your question and I will gladly help you out in blog post format. Don’t worry, all your information is completely confidential and I will never post your name.

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