Perps
Last weekend when I was getting ready to look at some adult pleasure movies on the computer I noticed flashing lights outside my window. At first I thought “oh fuck, my life-long nightmare of getting arrested for illegally downloading porn is about to come to fruition” then I realized the cop had some guy pulled over going the wrong way down my one way street. In instances like this I always like to drop what I’m doing, erectedness and all, and just stare down the policing situation. You never know when a perp is going to pull out a gun and shoot at an officer and I want to be the one that the news stations interview as a primary witness. That would probably be the break that I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
This particular situation lasted what felt like an eternity. First it just seemed like a routine traffic stop, until the cop told the driver to get out of his oversized rape/theft van. Then the cop told the passenger to get out. While these two hoodlums were back by the police car the cop searched their entire van. I’m guessing he was looking for drugs as the passenger was black, not to mention the driver was a fat, white gentleman wearing even fatter clothes with a gold chain and a backwards hat. I was just waiting for these two potential druggies/Wal-Mart shoppers to jump into the cop car, and gun the cop down as they tore off into the night.
What really happened is a slightly less exciting story. The cop called for backup and they arrested the big fat mess of a man. They couldn’t even get handcuffs around his fat fuck wrists so they just let him get in the backseat all free-handed. This isn’t the first time that I have seen police action outside of my apartment, after all I live in a nicer-ish area of a very shady town so things are bound to happen.
The first year that I was in this apartment building I had the most exciting police action I have ever seen right outside my window. When I went to bed this night I could hear a couple of people outside talking and yelling. It was quite annoying, but I’m a trooper so I dozed off. I awoke at about 3am in sheer panic thinking someone was being murdered outside, but it was just some woman screaming, again. This time I couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to delve into my days of being an international spy and creaked open my blinds to get a good look at the situation.
As soon as I got into my position for a lengthy viewing experience I see a cop pull up behind their parked car. Shit was about to get interesting. The cop came up and did his usual thing before he asked them if they had drugs in their car. Apparently someone called the police saying there were two people in the parking lot doing drugs and being unruly. They got out of the car while the police searched it. This time the cop actually found stuff! He was putting all this drug paraphernalia on their hood about five feet from my window! Real live drug stuffs!
This is when things got interesting. The cop found out that the guy already had a warrant out for his arrest, plus new drug charges! So the cop started asking him questions about the warrant. Then the cop asked “Do you have a gun on you?” This fucking guy in a drunken, drugged out stupor says “Yeah, I got a gun”. Immediately the cop draws his weapon and starts screaming at the guy. The “bad guy” basically got tackled to the fucking ground by the cop right outside my windowpane. That’s when this not-so-upstanding citizen comes clean… “Man, look, I don’t really have a gun. It was just a joke man, calm down”. WTF?
You have a warrant out for your arrest and you have large amounts of crack in your car, the cop probably isn’t going to think you’re joking about having a gun. Like the drugs and warrant are believable but having a gun is so fucking crazy that nobody is going to think you have one. What kind of wacky drug addict would have a gun, anyways? It’s a silly notion. It’s not like the bad guy was going to say “Oh, I was joking about the gun, the crack rock is really just rock candy, and the warrant out for my arrest is from the ‘mean police’ because I went over my hug allowance.” Then he’d find out that this police is actually in bed with the “mean police” and they take him to Hug Court, where he’s sentenced to 20 years without loving embrace… That, my friends, is not the kind of world I want to live in.
Category: General Posts
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