Pick-Up Lines
About a week ago someone sent me the most terrifying email I have ever received. It may, in fact, be the scariest thing you will ever witness in your life. This guy wants me to help him get his clever and hysterical website off the ground. Usually I’d be open to these types of opportunities, unless the website’s content is the equivalent of shitty email forwards that got sent around by future Larry the Cable Guy fans on dial-up 12 years ago. Here’s the monstrosity:
First of all, I want to say that I really enjoy your sharp and clever style of writing. I’m going to add your blog to my favorites for future use, thank you very much… :) Anyway… my name is David Faibish and I’m the proud dad of this funny new Website: funny-pick-up-lines.com , and I’m contacting you because… well, I’d love it if you mentioned my website somewhere in your blog. (If you think it’s worthy of course…) What’s in it for you? Well, aside from the fact that your type of visitors will probably enjoy the type of stuff I have in my website, I decided giving away my 150-page ebook about how to attract women to anyone who links to my Website as a little thank you gift. See this page for details: funny-pick-up-lines.com/free-ebook.html If you do like my Website and don’t want the ebook it’s also ok. I still can really use your support… ;) If you have any questions or even need some help with Website stuff, I’m always glad to help. Wishing you all the best, David Faibish
I’m not gay in any way, but after the first two sentences I was getting ready to marry this guy. The email started off the way all emails to me should be. I’m like a sexy, ego driven monster. Feed me compliments all day and I’ll pretty much do whatever you want (again, not gay). Then the email came crashing down from a very promising opening. The first tip off that this was going to be a terrible website was the domain name. I’m not even talking about the words themselves. Any website with that many dashes in it make me automatically think it’s going to redirect me to some ancient Geocities site from way back. Then I actually looked at the content…
If my fans do anything but grimace at these supposedly funny pick-up lines I’m going to close my site down instantly. This site has classics like “Was there an earthquake or did you just rock my world?” and “Are you smoking? (No.) Oh yes you are!” These pick up lines, by the way, are under the “Best Lines” category. Here are some from the “Corny/Cheesy” category and I bet you won’t be able to tell a difference. “I must be a snowflake, ‘cuz I’ve fallen for you.” And “Were you arrested earlier? It’s gotta be illegal to look that good.” What’s the fucking difference? This site is basically any pick-up line ever thought of by an unfunny, nerdy, douche in hopes that an even bigger douche would post it on a poorly addressed website.
I don’t know, maybe this guy is a genius and I just haven’t realized it yet. Maybe the sole purpose of the website is for people like me to go there, cringe, and then fantasize about shooting society in the face with a nail gun. Actually, that must be what it’s for considering he thinks my fans would really enjoy his content. Or (and this is more likely) he thinks my fans are complete fucking idiots. Well, judging by some of the emails I get from you people I can’t really argue that point. I do have some pretty idiotic people come to this site, but I also have some cool, kick ass people that come to this site too, so I’m left confused. Either way, this guy’s attitude makes me want to poison his hamsters food with cologne, like I did to my own hamster years ago because I was tired of feeding it constantly.
I guess the real joke in all of this is that his website is probably more popular and makes more money than mine. Still, I’d rather write pretty fucking good content for a few people, than shitty, copy and paste content for thousands… Okay, maybe not. Coming to Absurdly Awesome in 2009, Pick-Up Lines! Funny Motivational Posters! And Fake Inspirational Jesus Stories! I promise you, heartstrings will be tugged! I’m going to make millions! Thanks for the awakening Mr. David Faibish, you truly are a god among men.
Category: General Posts
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