Porn Titles
I have a secret that I would now like to confess to all who read this particular blog post. It took me 3-4 hours to do the necessary research for this post. Not only that, but now I need to take a shower, I’m tired, and am completely disappointed in myself. I’m also slightly concerned that I have an extreme addiction to pornography. Let’s just say I’ve “been around” on the internets. Throughout my unending search for only the finest pornography available (that’s still free), I’ve come across some terrible titles for porn videos. Sometimes they’re so bad that they laugh me out of “the mood”, for about 15-20 seconds, until I see an ultra sexy title that puts me back into my hand it.
The first one I came across today was called “Granny Does Tiny Tit Teen”. While not completely ridiculous and outlandish, who the fuck would watch this? Maybe I’m just too picky, but I can’t exactly get into old ladies on flat chestedness. This video sounds like it has the sex appeal of a skunk making love to a truck tire, and the room that it was shot in probably had the same smell. Who goes online for a jerk thinking “man, if only I could find the least sexually appealing thing to your typical male. Yeah, I want a wrinkly blob going to town on a girl with the chest that resembles a dinner plate.”?
The next video I stumbled across was entitled “Brittany James – Little Girl, Big Cock – You Do The Math”. You do the math? I don’t even know what that means. I never really paid attention in math class, but I’m sure if we got to the girl plus cock equations my interest would have been peaked. They must have gone over this the day I got kicked out because “some day your mouth is going to get you in trouble, Josh”. As far as the equation goes, I’m thinking the answer is pain and torn orifices. Now that’s my idea of a good time.
The last video that I found is just completely ridiculous. “Osama Bin Laden rapes news reporter!” was the title. When I saw this I had a double-take because it sounded like something I would find in my spam folder. How out of ideas is the porn industry, anyways? Well, I watched the video out of pure comedic interest and it was everything I’d hoped it be.
It started out with a reporter, who I swear I saw in a girl on girl film a few months ago, saying “I think Bin Laden is in the caves behind me”. Then an Osama henchman runs out with a gun and captures her while the cameraman just stands there, films it and says nothing. As soon as the reporter enters the cave, horribly fake beards and demonic groaning ensue. After they are done “planting the seed of Allah in the infidel” American troops come in and bust the Bin Laden crew. Then of course she has to repay the troops for rescuing her and keeping us all safe. It’s weird, because it was exactly how I pictured the capture going down. In fact it seemed so true to life that I thought it was a documentary… A very hot documentary that I plan on watching twice daily until it is inevitably taken down by people who are offended. It’s a sad, sad world we live in.
** Site News** I’ve decided that I’m going to try and post more frequently than once a week. If you’d like to contribute to the content you can always send in an Ask Josh question. Again, only serious, life questions please. I’m here to help. I’m also thinking about bringing back Horoscope Interpretations. If you do want to see those leave a comment saying so.
Category: General Posts
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