Smell My Billboard
Today I’d like to talk about something that I find absolutely fascinating and something I’ve been extremely interested in for many years. Smelly billboards. Here’s the news:
The billboard on N.C. 150, west of Mooresville, N.C., near Lake Norman, emits the smell of black pepper and charcoal to promote a new line of beef available at the Bloom grocery chain. A high-powered fan at the bottom of the billboard spreads the aroma by blowing air over cartridges loaded with fragrance oil. (USATODAY)
I am absolutely for this idea, but I don’t know why. I think it’s because every time I smell food outside when I’m walking by a restaurant I think of Chicago or New York and get all happy inside. Actually, I’m not for this particular billboard, but I like the general idea. I don’t need to be driving down the street with my windows rolled down, take a whiff of black pepper and then sneeze myself into a murderous car accident. As a manly man “death by sneezing” isn’t the way I thought I’d go out.
I guess some people may think the fragrance may hurt the environment somehow or make them puke in their car or something. I’m not really concerned by that. What I am concerned by is that this might possibly be the food industry’s way of getting fat Americans to start eating billboards. There being more fat Americans concerns me. I have to see these gross people in their skin tight clothes because they think they’re showing off their curves. If they start eating billboards I won’t even be able to go outside without the fear of getting eaten or stepped on.
Think about it, for the past several years portions have been getting larger and larger. If we keep going down this path we will no longer have the storage space for these gargantuan portions. That’s why the food industry is planning ahead. They know people will continually go down the path to fat fuckdom if given the chance, so why not offer steak smelling billboards to consume?
I bet you’re wondering how these companies will make money from this when they’re not selling the billboard. They’ll just sue the disgrace of a person who ate it, for destroying their property. Americans get fatter and they get rich. Everybody wins. Wait, I don’t win. Hmm, I may have to rethink my position of supporting this monstrosity. Hey food industry, give me a cut and I’ll totally get behind turning people into billboard- and people-eating fat fucks. I can be bought, because right now the only thing I’m concerned about is getting a new iPod.
Category: News Thing
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