News Thing – Topless Coffee Burns
I posted a story a while back about a topless coffee shop that opened in Maine. I, of course, take full credit for their success, but not for what happened recently. This topless coffee shop, that has tons of enemies, burned to the ground! Shocker!
The state fire marshal’s office said Tuesday afternoon that a three-alarm fire that destroyed Vassalboro’s Grand View Coffee Shop, a business known for its topless waiters and waitresses, was caused by arson.
A Belfast ambulance crew that was returning to Belfast from a call saw the fire around 1 a.m. Wednesday. They awakened owner Donald Crabtree and six other people who were asleep at the time. They escaped from the fire without injury.
Of the people who fled from the blaze were a pair of four-month old babies.
When they say “four-month old babies fled from the blaze” it makes me laugh uncontrollably. I just picture little toddlers running like hell around a fiery room with their arms flailing above their heads. For that visual alone I’m at least a little bit happy that this place caught fire.
As for the fact that it burned down due to arson, no fucking duh. All you had to do is read any news article about this place since its opening to know that conservative people and religious wackos were furious about this place. Not to mention the people I talked about when I first broke this story, the jealous and sexually frustrated male patrons. This place had a gigantic target on it’s back from day one.
Knowing that you own the most hated place in town should convince you to not live in the same fucking place with six other people. I know if I opened a place like this I would not only refuse to live there, but also have some sort of elaborate system where 40 foot high steel walls would surround it when it’s closed. Either that or transform it into a church to hopefully confuse those aforementioned super religious scumbags.
I don’t want to make it sound like this guy had it coming, but he definitely fucking did. Sure, it’s a shame that you can’t open a completely legal establishment without fearing that it will be burned down, but you should know how to go about it the right way. A few ideas would be to not live in the goddamn place, and also get some fucking insurance. If you read the full article the owner said that the place is paid for but he didn’t have any insurance on it. Sure, I think insurance can be a complete scam, but not when you run a place that people passionately loathe.
This guy really should have sent in an “Ask Josh” question about how to go about opening a topless coffee shop the smart way. If he would have done that he’d have insurance, and he wouldn’t have had half naked men running around with the sexy topless waitresses. In fact, I retract my statement about the religious people being responsible for this fire. It was probably just a guy, like me, who had dreams of this fantastic place with boobies and coffee, then when he got there he realized it’s basically a small town motel with ugly whore waitresses and shirtless dudes. I completely understand their motive.
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