iPhone Makes iDepressed
The big news lately, besides the new iPods, has been that the iPhone’s price has been slashed by $200. The next thing to be slashed? My wrists. No, I’m not one of the many unlucky people who just bought their new iPhone for $600 and am now feeling cheated. I, on the other hand, am the type of person who has used this advancement in technology as a springboard into depression.I like to think of myself as a pretty technologically advanced person. I’m up on all the latest gadgets and gizmos that come out, even though I can’t afford 99% of them. So when the new iPhone came out only months ago, obviously it peaked my interest. I started looking for ways to get out of my shoddy Verizon contract (F Verizon) and jump ship to pick up myself a handy, dandy iPhone situation. It was more of a dream really, because the $600 price tag, and a more spensive monthly bill is not exactly in my budget, and I’m not about to cancel my subscription to bbwlove.org just so I could afford it.
Really though, all the new and exciting devices that come out I usually can’t afford, so why the depression? Why now? Well I started doing a little research and deep psychological work as to why I wanted the iPhone and what it was good for in general. The iPhone has music, movies, internet, maps, email, pictures, YouTube, and oh yeah, it’s a phone too! What a great situation! But what would I specifically use it for? That is the question.
The more I started thinking about this question the more I got depressed. Do I really need email access 24/7? I get, on average, 2 emails a day that aren’t spam. Nobody emails me at all, which is fine. But that means that I must have a lot of people calling me right? Umm, no not exactly. Most days I send and receive zero calls. But I can surf the internet from anywhere! Check out maps to places! Be distracted by YouTube! Well, those are all neat features and everything but I live in a small-ish town and hardly ever get the chance to leave it. Hell, I barely leave my apartment, where I have an abundance of internet through these other neat devices called computers. Even when I do get the chance to leave my apartment it’s mainly to get away from computers and the internet. I don’t need to pay a bunch of money to be on top of my spam and bacn(description) situations. On a side note, if you are serious about using the term bacn… Kill yourself.
So to break it down a little bit I used my incredible math and science skills to come up with this formula:
*Based on Daily Average
2 Emails + 1.5 calls + no social life + small town + no trips = no use for iPhone + [no life] = Sadness
I’m going to take this one further and turn it into a crazy conspiracy theory. It’s pretty much well known that the big drug companies run a good part of this world so I formulated this theory. New advancements in technology are really set on making people depressed so that the drug companies can shoot us up with more zombie meds, making us docile, stupid and pushovers! That’s right, the technology industry has it’s lips firmly placed around the cock of the pharmaceutical industry!
PS: The whole conspiracy theory was really just a way for me to slip in the word “cock”, using that word in every blog is part of my contract.
Loading ...
