Gambling and Whores
The last time we talked my future was extremely uncertain. The entire airplane that I was on started smelling like it was on fire and everybody was freaking out. So what happened next? Did we have to make an emergency landing on a highway? Did we crash on to a mysterious island with a smoke monster and insane magnetic properties? Or did I simply just pass away? None of the above. The burning smell went away after a few panicked minutes and everything went back to normal.
We landed and everything was fine so all that was left before I could officially start my vacation was baggage claim and waiting for a taxi, but those things actually went pretty smoothly. Well, as smooth as something that lasts 17 hours could be. The taxi line in McCarran International Airport on a Sunday afternoon is goddamn ridiculous, but there were enough hot ladies and complete creeps to keep me entertained enough.
When we finally got to the hotel I was expecting the absolute worst. The last time I went to Vegas I stayed at Excalibur on the first floor, which had a perfect view of a goddamn wall, but I didn’t spend a whole lot of time in my room so it wasn’t a big deal. Well, once I got to my room (at the MGM Grand this time) I was pleasantly surprised. Here is the room view comparison between my first trip and my most current trip.
After we were all situated with the room stuffs, we decided to go down and spend several consecutive hours sitting at the poker tables and hopefully winning hundreds of dollars off of terrible, idiot players. That’s where I got into a few situations that could be considered “interesting” by psychologists or “completely stupid” by normal people.
You see, sometimes when I’m around a bunch of new people I can be sort of a quiet guy. Some people call it shyness, but it’s not like I’m afraid to talk. Most of the time I’m quiet because I’m just extremely focused on trying not to look like an idiot. That was the case at the poker table I was playing on. Mix that focused attitude with an extremely awesome and intimidating poker face and all of a sudden I’m the asshole at the poker table because I don’t respond to drunken idiot banter.
The other people at my table were all joking around and showing each other their cards when they folded or won a pot. I suppose I could have done that, but fuck them. I didn’t feel like talking to drunken idiots who were generic Las Vegas catchphrase robots, plus I wanted to make some money and poker is a deception game so it wouldn’t really help my money making cause by showing how I played every hand (boring poker talk, I know).
After a while sitting there I could just feel the awkwardness and hatred towards me growing. I’d make a witty one liner now and again and people would just grumble in my general direction. It’s a good thing I’m easily distracted by women or otherwise it would have been an unbearable situation. See, in some poker rooms they have a massage girl come around who will rub your back while you’re playing poker, for a price. The one in the poker room that night just happened to be adorable.
I first noticed her from across the room and I could tell she was sort of making eyes at me. I don’t blame her, I’m amazing. Then, my stupid mind banter started getting in the way. The string of thought in my mind went something like this:
“Wow, she’s pretty cute and I caught her looking at me a few times. She’s probably only doing that to get money out of me. Well, maybe not, she is sort of my type so maybe there’s legitimately something there. Yeah, but I’m not really into banging random whores, so it probably wouldn’t work out. Wait, why is she a whore, again? Oh yeah, because she rubs men for a living. I couldn’t date a girl who has her hands all over men’s bodies for a living.”
Even though this Las Vegas trip was pretty much just me playing poker and staring at girls I’d never have the balls to talk to, I think I can extract one more blog post out of it. So check back later this week (probably Thursday) for the grand finale. After that I’ll get back to regular blog postings and they’ll probably even be more often, along with new little segments. If you have any suggestions for what you want to see on here send them in on my contact form. Want me to review your favorite show or movie? Let me know! Have a news article you’d like to see me comment on? Send it in! Are you a girl who wants the chance to date me? Then check back soon, because I have something insane in store for you specifically.
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