The Blog Starts…Maybe.

So over the last couple of weeks I’ve debated whether or not to write a blog. One part of me thinks that blogs are banal and deteriorating our society, and the other part of me is… bored. Then the whole drama in my life of what is “blog worthy” and what “isn’t”. So anyways here is a good way to start…

I just burnt the shit out of my thumb via freakishly hot coffee…

First off I bought this coffee maker a couple months ago because my other one was broken, it took like 6543862 hours to make a half pot. So I bought this new one with high hopes because it has this handy dandy “temprature changer thingy”. So I turn the fuckin temp all the way down as low as it would go because there is nothing worse than pouring a cup and having to wait for it to cool down all the while sitting there staring at it and questioning my existance.

Needless to say the difference between “high” and “low” temp is the same exact same difference between 376 and 375 degrees celsius. In case you don’t know what that means I’ll lay it out for you: Coffee Pot – 2 ; Me – 0 ; Carpet – 0. Because not only did I manage to torture my hand I also managed to spill on my carpet, so it is stained, it’s a good thing carpet can’t tell temperature (unless it’s on fire) or it would be super pissed at me right now… Then I will try to sleep on the floor to try and win it back, but carpet isn’t that easy my friends. Carpet will stay pissed at you for days, but believe me, the make up sex is worth it…except for the rug burns, but hey you spilled the coffee on it in the first place so it all evens out.

So here is my question, wtf are you supposed to do in that situation? Picture it, standing in the middle of your living room, hallway, etc. With about 15 feet to the nearest counter/table. As you walk you spill a little bit and it runs down your mug to your hand thus severely disfiguring you for life (exaggeration). You can’t just drop the cup because then you’re fucked in more ways then one. So lets say you tough it out and decide to go to the nearest coffee cup rest stop. Do you walk calmly, or mall walk like over aggressive 60 year olds? Slowly and you start to hear your hand actually sizzle, fast paced mall walk and coffee is swishing around vigorously going rogue all over hand, carpet, infants, etc… Either way your fate looks pretty grim. From now on what I’m going to do is throw the coffee against a wall and say “fuck you coffee”, that’ll teach it to mess with me…

If this is boring to you private message me with the subject line “fuck off”. Don’t post comments here publicly because that is a level of embarassment I can’t deal with.

The End

Category: General Posts