The Cashier Backhand

It’s nice to know that whenever I’m starting to get a bit of writer’s block I can always count on convenience stores to  give me an interesting story to write up. The writer’s block has been so bad lately that I actually contemplated getting a part time job at a convenience store, but then I realized I’m not a 45 year old woman who has replaced her hopes and dreams with a two pack per day habit and children who no longer talk to her.

Today was one of those fantastic instances where I knew my convenience store visit was going to be special as soon as I walked in the door. The first thing I saw was an 80 year old man wearing a suit and using a pimp cane. He looked like a friendly old man and since he was all dressed up I figured he was on his way to church. The old man was talking to the cashier who was probably in his 30′s, had a punchable face and gave off the aura of being a complete dick.

After I took a few steps into the store I honed in on their conversation like what they were about to say could save millions of lives, or teach me the secret of increasing my “length”.  This is the conversation that I overheard:

Cashier Dick: That’s when she said “fine, hit me then you son of a bitch”.

Old Man Pimp Cane: So what did you say?

Cashier Dick: I said, “I’m not afraid to backhand a woman who’s acting like that”. You see, that’s how I was raised, if a woman gets out of line you just smack her around a little bit.

Old Man Pimp: Yeah, that’s how I was raised too. I think it’s good for them. So did you hit her?

Cashier Dick: No, I just slammed the door and left and went back to the bar. Then I ended up sleeping with some girl from there.

Old Man Pimp: (laughing) That’ll teach her…

Cashier Dick: Yeah, it better.

I just want to mention that during this entire conversation I was inconspicuously staring at the sunflower seeds as if I was pondering which brand would better my life. I was also half hoping that if I didn’t make any sudden movements I wouldn’t interrupt their award winning conversation.

Anyways, after a few more minutes of generic weather talk the old man left and I paid for my things while trying not to laugh, or high five the cashier who I now also refer to as “My New Hero”. It’s really hard not to respect someone who is man enough to slap weakly women around. I have no idea what this woman said to my new cashier buddy to make him almost get violent, but I would imagine it’s something completely rational like not having dinner ready on time or not having his “Saturday shirt” washed and ironed for “sports bar time”. Either way, you can’t disagree with real manly men who solve all of their problems with alcohol and violence.

Tags: backhand, cashier, Convenience Store

Category: General Posts